Marla's Blog Full of B%&@!*S and Rants

LOL...Do you recognize this family??

2006-07-18T15:51:00.000-05:00

Woman Hatin'

2006-07-03T17:47:00.000-05:00

It really annoys me that we Women are so damn hard on each other. Now, when we are friends (and by that, I mean REAL friends, not just friendly) we aren't. We try very hard to be supportive and understanding toward one another, and we take care of each other.

I have had some AMAZING female friends in my time.

but, I've also had some crappy ones. Those generally being of the variety that thought that everything between us was a competition - you know, the ones who date guys that you are interested in simply because they want to prove to themselves that they are "better" than you, and that sort of thing. When of course the reality is that they are NOT better than you, because YOU wouldn't consider doing that to a friend, because your FRIENDS feelings are as equally important as your own.

Yeah, I've had friends like that, too.

but what REALLY gets me is when we hate women that we don't know...just because. Because they're pretty, or whatever. I used to do this myself, but now that I'm in my thirties, and I'm all mature and stuff, I just don't have the time, energy, or desire to feel dislike toward some woman that I don't know for what is truly no good reason whatsoever.

I'm tired of the woman hatin'. It's dumb. Stop it. The only reason women hate on other women is because they have shitty self-esteem and it makes them feel better about themselves to find things wrong with one another. but THAT is what makes it so WRONG.

If you're hatin', go seek professional help, because you're screwed up. Bottom line is, you don't like yourself. and if you don't like yourself, how the hell can you expect other people to like you?

It's dumb to hate other women because when it comes down to it, as a woman, only other women can ever REALLY understand you. It's shocking, I know, but, MEN AND WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT.

As much as I cherish my male friends, and I do, they will NEVER understand me. While having them in my life fulfills many needs, particularly when it comes to lifting heavy things for little old me, and when it comes to helping me to understand men better - they will never understand things like pedicures, and manicures, and how it feels to be a woman who has had her heart broken by another man.

So instead of trying to shit on each other whenever we can, we need to just try to accept one another and be nice, dammit. Life is hard enough without having to worry about some petty ass bullshit, you know what I mean?

Ann Coulter is the DEVIL

2006-06-06T09:18:00.000-05:00

It's no wonder her new book "Godless: The Church of Liberalism" is being released today, on 6-6-06. She's evil. Even her publisher knows it. Hell, maybe even she knows it.

I saw SatANN on the Today Show this morning doing an interview with Matt Lauer about her evil new book, and as usual, I wanted to reach through the television and punch her directly in the babymaker. She deserves to be punched in the babymaker so hard that she will never breed and release the spawn of SatANN on society.

Anyway, Ann made mention of how liberals whine about the deaths of 2,000 plus soldiers in Iraq (who are, apparently, according to her at least, fighting terrorism...lol) yet they celebrate the abortion of 2 million babies per year. She also referred to liberal 9/11 widows as "broads" who have millions of dollars and they use their tragedy to push the liberal agenda.

Then, she was rude to Matt. THAT WAS GOING TOO FAR!!!

In all honesty, how could anyone take the opinions of someone that is this deluded seriously?

It makes me want to VOMIT just thinking about it.

Knock, Knock, Knocking on Autozone's Door

2006-06-05T19:20:00.000-05:00

So, I went to Autozone today at lunch and had them run a free test on my car's computer to find out why my engine light is on. It's something called a "knock sensor". I didn't (and still really don't) know what a knock sensor is/was, all I know is one costs $143.99 at Autozone and my brother has no clue how to install one. Let's face it, he's better with cars than anyone in the family, but he's not an actual mechanic. And like me, he has the most unhandy man on Earth for a father, so we didn't exactly grow up with someone that could show us the ropes insofar as a car and it's workings are concerned.

Anyway, I emailed my friend Larry (my OTHER car guru) and said "What's a knock sensor?" His reply was "It is a device to check your gasoline and engine for octane and detonation problems." While that doesn't really answer my question because I'm car-illiterate, it sounds really important.

I mean, I don't want detonation problems, do I? Detonation is just a scary, scary word. I don't want anything that detonates to have problems, especially if it is something that I'm inside of while it's having said detonation problems.

So now it looks like I'm going to spend assloads of money getting my car's knockers fixed. But, I guess since I do love her, Betsy is worth it. She has been good to me, so I can't hold this one little thing against her. Right? RIGHT?????

I've got my fingers crossed that it's just got a screwy harness or connector (as are mentioned in my fabulous Chilton's Manual), and that the actual knock sensor itself is in perfect working condition, and the people at Joe's Garage will have yet another reason to shake their heads at me for my silliness.

Alas, I am tired. I shan't worry about this anymore until tomorrow.

Service Engine Soon

2006-06-04T20:30:00.000-05:00

The last time my "Service Engine Soon" light came on, it was because I hadn't properly screwed my gas cap back on after filling my tank. I found this out, of COURSE, only after going to the dealership and having them tell me about it. That, and to "make sure that I always click the gas cap several times to ensure that it is truly secure so this doesn't happen again".

So, last week I filled up, and apparently did a half-ass job of screwing my gas cap on. I first noticed that my engine light was on as I left work Friday evening. I tested my gas cap, which was on, but not securely, and screwed it back on good and tight and clicked it, surely more times than I really needed to.

Well, it's two days later, and the damn light is still on.

I think it should be off by now. Don't you?

So now I'm paranoid.

I've spent the better part of today troubleshooting my adorable little banged-up car, acting like I know something about cars when I don't, and trying to figure out what I need to do to make the "Service Engine Soon" light go back off. I decided, after much poking and prodding at the interior of my car looking for something called an "Electronic Control Module", or ECM for short, in an attempt to be able to self-diagnose and figure out what the hell is wrong with my car, that I was never going to find the damn thing and that even if I did I wouldn't know what the hell to do with it, that I should get someone that has half a lick of sense to check it for me instead.

I think I'm going to go to Autozone and have them test the darned thing for me. Of course, I plan on scanning over my copy of Chilton's Car Guide one more time so that I sound all knowledgeable about cars and stuff, so that they won't think I'm a complete fucking idiot.

I'll probably leave out the story of my failed attempt at ECM location and self-diagnosis, because I'm pretty sure that if I tell the guys at Autozone about that, they'll laugh about me behind my back when I leave the store.

People annoy the piss out of me

2006-05-30T17:39:00.000-05:00

I try really, really hard to be a non-judgemental person, but boy oh boy, sometimes it's HARD!!!!

I just went to a gas station to make some purchases, and this girl (I think it was a girl, it was actually kinda hard to tell) walked in behind me with a cell phone glued to hear ear running her/his mouth. I noticed her/him mainly because I wasn't sure if it was a her or a him, and had a little inward giggle to myself. I know that sounds awful, but you can't tell me, dear reader, that if you saw "Pat" in public, you wouldn't have a bit of a giggle, too.

Anyway, I got in line to pay for my stuff and he/she stood next to me at the counter and started loudly saying "MAN, I'M BROKE, I NEED SOME MONEY." I have very little empathy, because I'm mean, and so I just tried to ignore him/her. but, the next thing you know, her/him is asking "Do you have some money I can have?" I realized, quite shockingly that him/her was talking to ME! I looked at him/her and said, "Uh, no."

I'm sorry, but how fucking tacky is that? No, I don't have any money you can have. What do I look like, the Bank of Fucking America? You see, I have this thing called a JOB, and I WORK and I make money so I can support MYSELF by paying for my RENT so I have a roof over my head and paying for my GAS so I can drive to WORK and EARN SOME MORE MONEY to pay for more GAS and RENT. and whatever is left over, is MINE! Unless, of course I CHOOSE to spend it on someone else, but that's a whole different ball of wax altogether.

It's not like I don't have empathy, I do. I know that I am blessed, and that some people don't have as much as I do, and I try to help. If I see a guy playing his guitar on the street, and I have a few extra ones to toss his way, I give it to him. but at least HE is doing something to try to earn it, he's not just walking up to and asking a STRANGER who saw him yakking on your damn cell phone for a handout. He's giving you a CHOICE as to whether you want to help him. Quite honestly, the same goes for the guys I see standing at freeway off ramps holding up signs that say "Will work for food". I don't always give them money, just sometimes. and heck, if I'm fresh back from Kroger, sometimes I'll give them a bag of chips or whatever and say "I don't have any cash, but here's some food."

I wanted to tell boy/girl, "You've got a cell phone, why don't you call someone who gives two shits about you and try to bum some money off of them instead of me," like the smartass that I am, but ever since the last time I started spouting off to some moron I crossed paths with in public, I was told I was gonna get my ass shot one of these days, so I'm trying to cut back. Just in case.

Bottom line is, if you can't make your own way in life, get a job. Or another. Or do like I do and dogsit on the side for extra cash so you can buy yourself something nice every once in a while. Or clean houses, or WHATEVER! Just do what it takes! If you're always having to rely on the kindness of others to take care of you, then you're going to be royally FUCKED some day.

Like my Momma always said, "You've got to be able to take care of YOURSELF!"

It ain't "too hot", baby, it's "kool"!

2006-05-28T00:41:00.000-05:00

I love "Kool and the Gang" and I don't give a fuck who knows it. I always have. Their music makes me happy. I love music that makes me happy. I remember being a little girl and listening to "Celebration" and "Ladies Night" and thinking YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH! and to this day, I still get excited when I listen to them.

So, when I found out they were coming to Riverfest, I decided I was going to SO BE THERE!

I got Lesli to go with me, and after the "Train" meet and greet was over, we headed to the VIP tent for a nice view of the stage to await their show. I thought about just sitting in the VIP section for the show, where free beer and food were to be had, but once the music started, I knew I had to get closer to the stage. Close being a relative term, because the seating area was FILLED TO THE BRIM with people. All the way from the stage nearly to the back gate! I believe that is the largest crowd I've ever seen at that particular venue.

The show was AMAZING, to say the least. They are every bit as good as they were 20, 30 years ago, and every bit as able to get a crowd going as any band I've ever seen. They sang all of their favorites such as the aforementioned songs and "Cherish", "Too Hot", a compilation of some "funky" stuff and some "caribbean" stuff that I was unfamiliar with, but greatly enjoyed.

Their performance was truly one of the best I've seen in a long time, and I don't just feel that way because I'm a lifelong fan. It was an awesome show, and I had a wonderful time.

"Kool and the Gang" are still hot, and should come out with a new album, if the crowd they were able to draw last night was any indication of how big of a following they still have.

I've never seen strangers walk up to one another and just start dancing together, to that extent, at least. Everyone there was just there to have a good time, and it showed.

Come on Ride the Train

2006-05-28T00:05:00.000-05:00

One of the benefits of working in radio is that I often get to do some pretty cool stuff. All of the weekends spent working events and remotes are worth it when you take into account the benefits.

I've had much worse jobs, that's for certain!

Anyway, every year in Little Rock on Memorial Day weekend, we have an event called Riverfest. and it's just that, a festival that takes place on the Arkansas River...on both the Little Rock and North Little Rock sides of the river, which is actually part of what makes it cool.

There are several stages set up where there are concerts and various types of performances, like acrobatics and that sort of thing.

This year's line up is really good, with performances by such acts as "Live", "Kool and the Gang", "Switchfoot", "The Doobie Brothers", and "Train".

This story is primarily about "Train". I met them. In fact, I DROVE them from the Peabody Hotel to this new club called Rumba Revolution (Which I love, BTW! There's finally a place in Little Rock with GOOD Mojitos! Their food was pretty good, too!)

Anyway, one of the DJ's I work with asked me to help her drive them because they and their manager wouldn't all fit in one station vehicle.

So, I followed her to the hotel and 3 of the band members hopped in the ugly ancient white van that I was driving. The ones that rode with me were the drummer (Scott Underwood, who was rather hot, but I've always had a thing for drummers), the lead guitarist (Jimmy Stafford), and the keyboardist (Brandon Bush). They all seemed like rather nice fellows, with good senses of humor. I won't go into much detail insofar as what they talked about in the van, as they could probably sue me if I did. Needless to say, some of it was rather interesting.

This experience left me thinking about what it would like to be famous, and being thankful that I'm NOT famous. I would like to have the money that comes with fame, but not the "drama". Not the "oooohhhh....look at what so and so did" and not being able to do whatever I want without having to worry about people I don't even know talking about my business. In other words, I'm glad to have a personal life that's, well, private. Being a regular ordinary person has it's perks. and thankfully, as a regular normal person who is camera shy, not feeling compelled to take photographs with strangers every time I turn around.

and these guys really have it better than many of their contemporaries. As impressed as I was about meeting them (and getting my picture taken with them, which I don't have in my possession as of yet, BTW), their personal lives aren't display to the extent that some musicians are. Like Eminem or Jessica Simpson, for example. Everyone on Earth knows THEIR personal business, ya dig?

but it was quite fascinating, and I'm glad for the experience, and I really want to tell you, dear reader, what they said, because that was TRULY fascinating, but, I don't have the money for a lawyer. So you're just gonna have to deal.

I guess that one can be a fan without being a total spazoid. I'm as close to that as I can get, I guess. I mean, I could have driven away with them and kidnapped them, but I didn't. and these are the guys responsible for "Drops of Jupiter", which is, honestly, one of the few CD's that I've listened to the entire way through, REPEATEDLY, so I really am a fan of their work. Their mama's should be
proud.

Lappy Lappy Laptop

2006-05-25T20:05:00.000-05:00

So, here's the deal. I just bought a laptop. I friggin' love it. but, there's a problem. I'm online all the damn time! Which is why I got rid off my OLD PC in the first place...because I was ALWAYS online. Look, I love the internet as much as anyone. but, I wanna have a life outside of this little machine, you know. but alas, I haven't changed my ways. and here I am, right back where I used to be a few years ago. It's madness! Madness I tell you!

I have nothing to blog about. That is all. I think that once your life is in a place where you are actually happy, it's difficult to bitch and rant. but I'm sure that someday soon, some off the wall shit will happen and I'll blog about it. but right now, I'm so addicted to Yahoo messenger that I don't have time for anything else.

haha!

Oh yeah, I get to meet the guys from "Train" tomorrow.

So I'm sure I'll be blogging on Saturday.

Cheers! and have a lovely evening!

Shopping Cart MADNESS

2006-05-10T11:02:00.000-05:00

I was at the store the other day, and I purchased something which was relatively heavy, so I required a shopping cart to get it to my car. I was parked on the opposite row and about 3 slots down from the shopping cart holder-thingie, you know, the thing you put shopping carts in to keep them from rolling around in the parking lot...?

Anyway, I digress. I've always been one of those "nice shoppers" that actually puts my shopping cart where it goes when I'm done using it. I know, I know, I'm special. Anyway, I squeezed the cart between two rows of cars (which were parked too closely together, I might add), walked a good fifteen feet or so and put the cart up, when I saw something that genuinely appalled me.

There was a man parked in the spot RIGHT NEXT to the shopping cart holder thingie, who DIDN'T PUT HIS CART UP. I kid you not! He was parked RIGHT NEXT TO IT, and when he was done loading his things into his car, he pushed the cart out to the side, hopped in, and drove away.

What kind of lazy bastard can't walk a measley five feet out of his way to put up his stupid shopping cart rather than be a complete asshole and leave it in someone else's way?

Seriously, it ticked me off. It probably shouldn't have, but it did. I had to bite my tongue...HARD...to keep from saying something mean to him like "You lazy bastard, put up your damn cart!" or "You selfish fucking prick, put up your damn cart!" There were kids with him, or I probably would have.

People are lazy. They are lazy and they are selfish. Regular good old American common sense and politeness just don't exist anymore!

This whole situation reminds me of that commercial where all the people are staring down at a wad of paper that is lying beside a trash can whining about how it needs to be thrown in the trash can, until some guy who happens by picks it up, throws it away, and keeps walking.

People nowadays are lazy and stupid and they want someone else to take care of all of their needs.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?

Wasn't America FOUNDED because our ancestors were tired of people telling them what to do, so they decided to finally do something about it and get the hell out of Dodge????

I mean, that sucked for the Indians and all, but COME ON!!!

Peace,
Marla

The Diet Coke Dilemma

2006-05-03T12:52:00.000-05:00

I drink Diet Coke. I love it. I think it's the 2006 version of the nectar of the Gods, and I don't care what anyone thinks.

Something that has always annoyed me is when people say things like "Uh, if you're gonna eat THAT, what's the point of ordering a DIET Coke?"

Who cares? I mean, seriously? Who cares WHY someone else drinks Diet Coke? What damn difference does it make? Seriously? I WANT TO KNOW!!

I'll tell you what...I like Diet Coke. I don't like regular Coke. When I do happen to drink a regular Coke, which is usually when I have ordered a Diet Coke somewhere and some dipshit gave me regular Coke instead, I can AUTOMATICALLY tell the difference. They just don't taste the same. and I swear that I can feel the sugar eating holes into my teeth with every little sip that I take of the regular sugar-laden Coke. Seriously, regular Coke makes my teeth HURT. Maybe they are phantom pains, I do not know. I don't really care. but I'm NOT going to drink something that makes my teeth hurt!

So, shut the hell up already with the whole "What's the point of drinking DIET Coke?" crap, people. Drink whatever the hell you want and leave me and the rest of the Diet Cola addicts of the world the hell alone.

I think it's gonna be a long, long time...

2006-04-28T21:58:00.000-05:00

Actually, I should say it's BEEN a long, long time. I'm gonna try to get back into the swing of things, and start blogging again. My mind has been elsewhere for quite a while. Not a bad elsewhere, not a good elsewhere. Just elsewhere.

Anyway, I need to start writing again. I haven't written anything creatively in ages, nor have I written in my journal. Writing is good for the soul. We all have something that needs to be said, and stories that we need to tell. I know I certainly have some things that I need to get off my chest.

Some days, I feel like my brain could just explode.

I don't like that feeling.

I've always been a writer. Always. It started when I was younger than I can even remember, with letters that I would send to my Aunt Marsha. She loved to write letters as much as I did, and this Aunt, that I had never met, became my pen pal. We were constantly mailing letters back and forth. From San Diego to Michigan. From Benton to Michigan. She and I email one another now. She will not be sharing THIS blog as a form of communication, as I am her angelic niece who does not do the crazy things that this blog writer has done. :)

I started writing poetry and EXTREMELY short stories in Junior High. Or at least, that is when I can best remember that my love for reading had developed into a love for writing. and I began wanting to create words as beautiful as those I had read composed by other authors. Of course, I wasn't able to.

My love for writing grew into an obsession of sorts. I took every creative writing and journalism class I could. I kept notebook after notebook after notebook of journals and poetry and thoughts written down on paper. I wrote all the time. I always had a notebook with me, everywhere I went. I went so far as to keep a tiny one in my purse so I could "jot down ideas". It was my life.

For a while, I thought I would go to ASU and major in Journalism. Then I realized that I, as a very shy girl, was frightened to death of the prospect of interviewing people. I thought I would make a horrible journalist.

Oh, I wish I knew then what I know now.

I'm so far from shy these days it's not even funny. and that is primarily because I have worked in media for so long.

I want to write. I want it more than anything else. I want it more than food. and I like food. A lot.

So, I'm about to go buy a computer. I haven't had one in ages, as I know how I am and I worry that sitting in front of it is all that I will do. but now, in the world of blogs, and internet that runs at the speed of light, I figure I can do more with it than without it.

I also want to move. Quite badly. and having the internet will also make finding a job easier. Don't try to talk me out of it!!! LOL!!!

Peace,
Marla

A Picture Share!

2006-03-09T20:29:00.000-06:00

THIS IS EVIL! DO NOT BUY ONE! IT'S ALL THAT I DO! OMG, I HAVE NO LIFE! Seriously people, Marla needs to get out more! IT'S BAD!

It's official. I'm old. DAMMITTTT!

2006-03-01T10:10:00.000-06:00

One of the girls that I work with just called me to tell me that she met these very nice young people at "The Factory" last night, and one of the young ladies told her that she seemed very friendly, and that she must work with people. She told her "I work in radio." and the girl said "At XXXXX (insert name of company)?? That's where my Aunt Marla works!"

Coworker said "You're too old to be Marla's niece!!!"

Coworker rocks now, for defending my aging status like that. Of course, I am only 32, and it doesn't seem like I AM old enough to have a 20 year old niece, but, them's the breaks when you have a sister that is older and she gets knocked up and has a kid when you're twelve.

Rikki turns 21 next February. After that, I shall never go out again. I think I would freak out a little if I saw my niece drinking or dancing all over some guy at a bar. I used to change her diapers, dammit!

In Memory of Cap'n Ron

2006-02-23T14:47:00.000-06:00

What does one say when someone that they've liked has passed? There's nothing to say, really. Death is something that all of us will have to deal with in life, that is for certain. but that doesn't mean it gets easier to deal with with experience or with time. It doesn't.

It seems like the nice ones are always the ones to go. You know, the ones who never complained, never had anything mean to say about anyone, that always had a smile on their face. Which is what makes death so hard.

Cap'n Ron was one of those people. I wouldn't say we were "friends" per se, but we were friendly. He was one of those folks at work that you could always have a nice chat with or share a joke with. He was always happy, and that's what made him so great to be around.

Cancer is a bitch. We're all gonna miss you, Ron.

ICE ICE BABY....

2006-02-17T15:59:00.000-06:00

It's so friggin' cold outside. I said friggin' only because I'm trying not to cuss. It really doesn't have the same impact as the f-word that I love to say so much but shouldn't...

Anyway, I don't know about you, but I'm looking forward to the ice storm that's heading this way. I want all of the evil bugs (that are already popping up left and right in FEBRUARY) to freeze to death so that we don't all get eaten alive by chiggers and 'skeeters this summer.

My plans for the weekend are to eat, to drink, to lay on the sofa, to watch tv, and to sleep. A lot. Sweet, sweet sleep...

I may even get REALLY wild and crazy and go to the video store and rent some scary movies. A friend recommended "Saw II". I just hope that in the sequel, nobody hacks their leg off.

Take care this weekend, stay inside where it's warm and don't drive on the ice (unless you are a professional) as I don't want any of my faboo friends (and readers) to hurt themselves.

This made me laugh...

2006-02-17T15:52:00.000-06:00

A Picture Share!

2006-02-11T19:24:00.000-06:00

I found the perfect project using leftover yarn. This is the first of many bears I plan to knit for MotherBearProject.org. I'm making it using yarn left over from my poncho and C-Love and Lesli's scarves. I LOVE KNITTING!

Commercials

2006-02-08T10:00:00.000-06:00

I love commercials. I really, really do. I crack up laughing like a madwoman everytime a Sonic commercial comes on. I had a nice hearty laugh at the Burger King "Dr. Angus" commercial that I saw last night, even. I even like a good, creative radio commercial from time to time. I can't think of any present ones that make me laugh, but I've heard a few in my history of employment in radio that got me to giggling. Especially the one I did a voiceover for a few years ago in which I basically told my friend "Kel-Kel" that her ass "looks great in those jeans". That was pretty funny...

but let me tell you what I HATE about commercials. Radio commercials in particular. I hate when they have certain sound effects in them. In particular, ringing cell phones and anything car-noise related such as honking horns and ambulance sirens.

I heard a commercial this morning for a certain tax service (which shall remain nameless, by the way) that had honking horns. In particular, honking semi-truck horns.

When you drive a small car like I do, the last thing that you want to hear is a semi horn blaring out of nowhere. It's enough to make your stomach jump up into your throat from the fear that a semi may be barreling up on YOU from behind or something. and let me tell you, after having that happen to you once in a lifetime, you will also fear it forever as I do.

Anyway, my point is this...a lot of radio listeners are, SURPRISINGLY ENOUGH, driving their cars!!! To have blaring horns in the background of a radio commercial is, well, dumb.

The whole cell phone thing kinda pisses me off, too. Generally, when I hear a cell phone start to ring, I automatically think it's mine, at least until I come to my senses and realize "Duh, that's not my ringtone!" and whilest driving, I have many times reached for my cell phone thinking the ringing phone was mine.

DRIVERS SUCH AS MYSELF DON'T NEED ANY MORE DISTRACTIONS THAN WE ALREADY HAVE - SUCH AS OLD PEOPLE THAT DRIVE TOO SLOW, AND STUPID PEOPLE THAT DON'T KNOW HOW TO MERGE!

A Picture Share!

2006-02-01T22:32:00.000-06:00

For David...my finished poncho! I tried taking a pic of myself wearing it, but that didn't go so well...

"Whew!" Marla says, and then wipes her brow...

2006-02-01T14:14:00.000-06:00

I haven't been blogging much lately.

This is partly because I've started a new job (same company, different title) and I've been much, much busier. While some people may not like being kept busy, I do. I get very bored very easily.

Anyway, I am enjoying the new job quite a lot. I am working with fewer people, so I have less people to worry about pleasing, which is good because it means that I spend less time worrying and more time getting my stuff done.

It is also partly because my life has been relatively unexciting lately, and I haven't had much to blog about. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. It's rather nice not having to deal with any drama!

I'm totally doing this!

2006-02-01T13:35:00.000-06:00

I stumbled across this website today called motherbearproject.org. What you do is you make handknit teddy bears, and they ship them to children in need across the world. How cool is that? I'm so doing this, and will post the pic of my completed bear at a future time.

Yay!

2006-01-27T16:38:00.000-06:00

My buddy "T-Bird" is in town tonight, so we're gonna go out on the town and party like rock stars! "T-Bird" used to work with me, and he's one cool cat with a voice like velvet. I love seeing people I haven't seen in a while...makes you appreciate them that much more!

2006-01-26T18:04:00.000-06:00

20 years ago...

2006-01-26T15:45:00.000-06:00

On the morning of January 28th, 1986, I was home from school, sick as a dog, laying on the sofa wallowing in my own self pity watching "The Price is Right", when a newsbreak came on announcing that the Space Shuttle Challenger had exploded just after takeoff.

I can't believe that was 20 years ago.

Christ, I'm old.

The Challenger explosion is one of those events in history that truly impacted the people of my generation. Every time that you talk to one of us about it, you get to hear the little "I was here, I was there, I was wearing this..." stories.

I'll never forget that day.

Brokeback Mountain

2006-01-25T13:25:00.000-06:00

If you haven't seen the movie, you may not wanna read this!

I don't want you to read anything that will give away any "surprises" that should be saved for your actual viewing of the film. :)

I finally saw the movie "Brokeback Mountain" the other day. Think what you will, I don't really care. I have to say that, without a doubt, it was one of the most beautiful, yet heartbreaking, movies I've EVER seen.

Ennis (Heath Ledger) and Jack (Jake Gyllenhall) met while working together one summer on Brokeback Mountain. They were just a couple of cowboys working on a mountain, tending to a whole bunch of sheep. The entire basis of their relationship was built on Ennis' opinion that he "Ain't no queer."

Ennis loved Jack, but fought that love and spent the vast majority of his life in denial of those feelings because they weren't "normal". One of the most heartwrenching scenes in the movie was when the two parted ways and Ennis ducked into an alleyway and began sobbing. Ennis was a man of few words, so to see him break down and cry like that was tough.

They didn't see one another for another four years. In the meantime, Ennis married and became the father of two little girls. Jack also married, and had a son. but when they were reunited, it was as if they had never separated.

Jack was the more open and emotional of the two, and was more open about his homosexuality and his love for Ennis. He was always trying to get Ennis to start a life with him, trying to get him to leave his family and start a ranch of their own. Ennis was afraid of the repercussions that such a life might have, since, as child, his father had taken him to see the body of a homosexual neighbor that had been murdered and dumped in a ditch.

Jack's wife didn't make much of an impact on me. She got on my nerves more than anything. Every time she was onscreen, I would crack up laughing at her awful bleach blonde 1970's hair.

Ennis' wife was much more likeable. She was faced with a difficult situation, and dealt with it in the best way that she knew how. She was a very strong woman, who truly loved her husband, and tried to make it work in spite of the fact that she had discovered his secret.

I made it through the movie without crying (unless you count tears stinging the back of my eyes as "crying"), drove home, and broke into sobs thinking about "my" Ennis. It made me realize that no matter how much you love someone, sometimes you just aren't meant to be together, for WHATEVER reason. Good or bad. but that doesn't mean you have to stop loving them.

Go see "Brokeback Mountain". It will make you sad, but it will also make you think. and thinking is good.

Mmmm...tea...

2006-01-23T21:47:00.000-06:00

Mom used to give me Sleepytime tea when I couldn't sleep, so when I found this at Drug Emporium, I snatched it up. "Valerian" makes it Extra! and, it works! I've been sleeping MUCH better lately! Buy some, sleepyheads! You'll thank me. I promise.

A Picture Share!

2006-01-22T12:20:00.000-06:00

Hottie McHottersen! (LOL!) Yea, whateva. New blog pic taken cuz my hair looks halfway decent today.

Nancy Grace needs to stop making me cry!

2006-01-20T11:05:00.000-06:00

So I watched Nancy Grace last night. Obviously. They had a story about a 7 year old girl in New York City named Nixzmary Brown who was murdered by her stepfather over a container of yogurt that she may or may not have eaten, and a computer printer she may or may not have broken.

Apparently, stepfather had been molesting and torturing her for some time. He is also accused of putting her in a "torture room" where she was denied food and drink and forced to use a cat litter box as her bathroom, amongst other things. THIS final bout of abuse culminated with him submerging the 36 pound seven year old continually in a bathtub filled with freezing cold water, at some point hitting her head and causing a brain hemorrage. When he was finished, he dumped her in the "torture room", and nobody knew she was dead until her mother finally decided to check on her HOURS LATER.

The story in itself is bad enough, but the part that really got me was when witnesses said that she cried "Mommy" and her Mother walked away from her.

The Stepfather is charged with murder and sexual abuse, and the Mother is charged with manslaughter and child endangerment. I find this disturbing.

At what point does a parent cease being completely responsible for the mistreatment of her own child in her own home? Is the love of some shithead significant other worth the torture of your own child? I cannot begin to IMAGINE the fear that this child felt. I cannot IMAGINE the heartbreak she must have felt knowing that her own mother wasn't willing to protect her.

Anyone that permits such behavior in their own home is as guilty as the perpetrator, bottom line.

I'd like to be left alone in a room with both of these shitheads. People that hurt kids piss me off. They are the worst kind of evil, in my opinion.

A Picture Share!

2006-01-16T22:38:00.000-06:00

About 1/3 of the way finished with my poncho! This is a lace pattern knitted in Yarn Bee Highland Thistle "Misty Glen"(white), a bulky weight yarn. This yarn is woven with little "fuzzies" that sparkle in the light. I think it looks like snow. :)

This post speaks for itself...

2006-01-16T15:50:00.000-06:00

"The hope of a secure and livable world lies with disciplined nonconformists who are dedicated to justice, peace and brotherhood."

~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Waaah! I thought for certain I was more evil than this!

2006-01-13T11:23:00.000-06:00

My 5 Bad Habits

2006-01-12T16:38:00.000-06:00

Good idea, David. Tell the world about all of the bad things I do, and then see who agrees with me! hehe!

My Five Bad Habits Are:

1. I'm moody. I'm either REALLY happy, or REALLY pissy. There is no nice little happy medium.

2. I'm a perfectionist. I don't settle for less than perfection, which makes life rather hard. I will do the same thing over and over and over again until it is right, even if it was already 99% right in the beginning. This annoys the crap out of me, because I don't really WANT to do the same things over and over again.

3. I eat too damn much and I am lazy and don't exercise. 'Nuff said.

4. I'm a pack-rat. I have trouble getting rid of things. As a result, I have a ton of stuff that I don't need. This is true at work, on my computer, at home, EVERYWHERE. It's very annoying. About once a year, I "rip off the band-aid" and throw a bunch of stuff away, but it's still never enough. Argh!

5. I am blunt. The whole "honesty is the best policy" thing gets me into a lot of hot water sometimes!

A New Scam Being Pulled on Women!

2006-01-12T16:21:00.000-06:00

Keep your eye out for these guys, this is serious stuff.

This new scam is being pulled mainly on women who are past the age of giving a running pursuit. What happens is that when the intended victim stops at a red light, almost NUDE, good looking, tanned, muscled young man comes up to her car and pretends to wash the windshield.

While he is doing this, another young, handsome athletic man opens the back door of the car, jumps in and insists the woman drive off with him to some lonely spot, where he has his way with her.

They are very good at this. They got me three times Friday and five times Saturday.

I couldn't find them on Sunday.

A Picture Share!

2006-01-12T06:51:00.000-06:00

Aww! Kitty Soo kinda makes me wanna get a kitten! I forgot how sweet they can be. I'm petsitting, BTW. I swear, I need a pet of my own.

This Just Cocks My Pistol

2006-01-11T08:40:00.000-06:00

A fourth grade teacher in Jacksonville, Arkansas has been accused of making racist remarks in front of her class. Phoebe Harris was accused in a public hearing last night by a number of parents of telling their children that according to the bible, black people were cursed with the mark of Cain.

Harris admitted to writing a derogatory term that describes African Americans on her chalkboard, and claimed that she had been attempting to explain the historical significance of that word and explain why it was inappropriate. She faces a one-year suspension, and must undergo sensitivity training in that year.

I'm sorry, but this ticks me off. I think that this woman PROBABLY DID tell her students, a bunch of fourth graders (who are approximately ten years old), that black people are cursed with the mark of Cain. That story is entirely too crazy to be a lie! THIS WOMAN SHOULD BE FIRED. End of story.

Ewwwwww!

2006-01-10T08:12:00.000-06:00

Got a text message from Holle this morning that said:

"Had 2 put baby on machine (respirator) & had a diaper blow out all over me. I'll be 20 minutes late. Had to re-shower."

I seriously considered smacking her upside of the head for grossing me out first thing in the morning, but have decided against it, as nothing could be worse punishment than having someone shat all over you...baby or not.

This is not a resolution!

2006-01-08T21:44:00.000-06:00

I am going to try to quit cursing. Not because "I have to" or because someone else is "guilting me into it". I just don't want to curse anymore. That's all. No other reason.

and this is NOT a resolution. I don't make resolutions, because they're stupid, and I never keep them.

If you notice that I curse, slap me.

Virtually, of course, because if you hit me, I'm gonna send my big brother to kick your A$$!

I miss the 1990's

2006-01-08T15:58:00.000-06:00

I do! I miss them! The 1990's were awesome. The 2000's (or whatever you want to call them) are entirely too buttoned-up, conservative, and might I say BACKWARD, for me. I would turn back the clock in a second, even if it meant me being in my twenties all over again. I would suffer that pain!!!

Seriously, think about it...Clinton was President...OJ was on trial...okay, so that's NOT really something I would like to experience again....um, yeah, Ru Paul was famous, in spite of the fact that she/he was a transsexual - nobody cared!...I miss Pearl Jam, Nirvana, and Metallica before they chopped their hair off...I could go on forever.

The nineties rocked. I miss them. That is all.

Marla - South Park Style

2006-01-06T16:28:00.000-06:00

Marlapoo....South Park Style!

I found the link for this on "The Memo's" blog, and thought "Oh my goodness! I so have to do that!" So this is me, and this is how I would want to look if I were a cartoon. At Cartmanland, because I'm a fun-loving, happy girl (well, sometimes, at least!)

Click on the title above if you would like to create your own. :)

An informal "poll"

2006-01-06T13:57:00.000-06:00

The local NBC affiliate in Little Rock, KARK, has decided not to air the new television show "The Book of Daniel" as a result of "sensitivity to viewers". Personally, I have a very strong opinion on this subject, but I do have respect for the opinions of other people AS LONG AS THEY ARE GROUNDED IN FACT.

Please post a comment, and let me know what YOUR opinion is regarding "The Book of Daniel", and KARK's decision to not air it. All opinions will be appreciated and respected as if they were my own.

Thank you,

Marla :)

A Really Fuzzy Picture Share!

2006-01-05T22:25:00.000-06:00

Is it just me, or is there a bears face hidden amongst the fibers of this black fun fur yarn? This pic is for David, who has been urging me to post pics of my knitting. :)

Knit This, Suckas!

2006-01-05T08:37:00.000-06:00

I am a knitter. Yes, I know, you are shocked and amazed. How could anyone who uses the "f-word" as frequently as I do possibly have the same hobby as your sweet little old grandma? Well, I'll tell you.

My mom has always been a very crafty person. She knit, she crocheted, she quilted, she tatted, she sewed, she did macrame, she cross stitched. By God, my mom did it ALL! When I was really young, I was a tomboy who would rather climb an olive tree, hide in the leaves, and throw olives at people that dared walk below my tree. I didn't have the time or inclination to learn how to do anything crafty because I was busy playing.

but, my family moved to Arkansas, about 1,500 miles away from that olive tree and all of my friends.

When I was in junior high school, I started to express an interest in cross-stitching, knitting, and crocheting because I figured "Hey, what the heck! I've got a pro living in my own house! I may as well learn now!" Also, we lived 'out in the country' of Saline County, and there wasn't much else to do in the middle of the summer and on the weekends.

When my friend Holly was busy, that was. Holly and I spent many a Saturday walking the fields behind our houses chasing cows and petting horses. and coughing, I mean, smoking ciggies we stole from her mom. but that's another story.

So, I started out learning the basics. I knit my first sweater when I was in the ninth grade. It wasn't very pretty, and I think I only wore it once, but I was proud of it because I had put a lot of work into it.

That was the last thing that I knitted until recently. Seriously.

I've done a bit of crocheting and cross-stitching over the years, but no knitting. None whatsoever.

This past fall, I went to Target with my friend Rachel. Near the entrance of Target, there is a section with $1 items, and on this particular day, they had knitting needles and yarn in the $1 section. I decided to buy a set of needles, and some yarn and make a scarf that I had just seen a pattern for in a magazine.

and now, I'm addicted.

I have knitted about 15 scarves, giving one to just about everyone under the sun for Christmas. Right now, I am working on a really cute pillow knitted with furry yarn. I have actually finished knitting it, and tonight, I plan on sewing it together. If I don't get talked into going out for a drink or ten, that is.

Anyway, knitting is good therapy. It gives you something to keep your hands busy. It keeps your mind focused, so you're not worrying about the petty little things that happen in life. It gives you a goal to work toward, and there is nothing better than looking at your completed project and the pride that comes with having created something beautiful.

Miners

2006-01-04T08:44:00.000-06:00

Last night, I had trouble sleeping.

I was in one of those "Whoa is me. I'm so alone." moods that all of us single gals experience from time to time. Yes. It's true. Even I have those moods occasionally. I know that you are shocked and surprised. I'm sorry for having let you down.

Anyway, I digress. I was literally laying in bed crying.

It was weird. and annoying.

So I got up out of bed, went in the living room, and turned on the news in hopes of hearing something that either made me realize that MY life is not that awful, or that good things do happen from time to time.

I know that sounds just WRONG...but it usually works!

I turned on CNN and heard some wonderful news! 12 of 13 miners missing since their cave collapsed Monday found ALIVE! Yay! How wonderful! The loved ones of MOST of those people had something to celebrate after nearly 48 hours of not knowing! Yay! I was seriously happy for these people. I was feeling all warm and fuzzy inside!

So, I climbed back in bed, and went to sleep.

Only to wake up this morning, turn on the "Today" show, and find out that due to miscommunication somewhere along the lines, the wrong information had been released. 12 miners did not SURVIVE. 12 miners DIED. 1 survived.

How very, very sad.

Woo Hoo!

2006-01-04T08:42:00.000-06:00

I had a man tell me this morning that I look like a "young" Raquel Welch.

He is my new best friend.

New Years Evil!

2006-01-03T09:40:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year, folks! I hope that your 2006 is better than my 2005 was. LOL!

My New Years Eve (a blatant attempt to have a good time) turned out to be rather awful. Here is the story:

I went to Lesli's house to "ring in" the New Year with friends. Sounds nice and peaceful, right? Well you would be wrong. Lesli had, unfortunately, invited a controlling self-centered sore loser asshole to her New Year's party, and I decided to join him and some others in a game of Texas Hold 'Em. Had I known what a controlling self-centered sore loser asshole he was, I wouldn't have. but, well, you know, sometimes you have to learn a lesson the hard way.

Other than him, the rest of us have played poker together many, many times. We all get along pretty well, and we've never had to deal with any poker drama before. but, according to CSCSLA ("controlling self-centered loser asshole"), everything we did was wrong, and he felt that it was his duty to inform us how to play. In addition to whining and complaining every time something didn't go his way (meaning, each time he lost yet another hand), he constantly kept changing the rules to benefit HIM. Every "rule" that he "imposed" was to the detriment of every other player at the table.

Marla bit her tongue for a good hour and a half, and then shortly after we returned to the table after ringing in the New Year with Dick Clark, she decided that she couldn't take it anymore.

One of the other players won a hand. I threw my cards down on the table and said, "Well, you won it." That was not acceptible to CSCSLA. "I want to see your cards," he said. "Why? I lost. So it doesn't really matter." I replied. "If it doesn't really matter, then why do you not want me to see them?"

Marla lost it. "This is NOT Las Vegas, in spite of what you seem to think! This is SUPPOSED to be a nice friendly card game. You are making everyone at this table miserable, and I for one, am not having a good time." He replied, "Well, this is what poker is all about. If you can't handle it, then you shouldn't play."

I said "Oh really? Well, look at how many chips YOU have, and look at how many chips I have, and then tell me which of us is the better poker player!"

I was, needless to say, stomping his sorry ass, and I had a pile of chips twice the size as his own. and he had already lost once and bought in again. LOL!

Of course, he was an ass, and he kept making smartass comments. Which I don't really remember too well because well, I was drunk and mad. I do recognize my limits, and I knew that if I didn't leave right then and there, that something was either going to get thrown at him or I was going to say something so incredibly embarrassing that everyone at the table was going to blush. Had it been my house, I probably would have done both before telling him to get the fuck out. It wasn't, however, so I decided to put a stop to the drama and leave, out of respect for Lesli.

So I did.

and here is the kicker....about an hour and a half later, I got a call from one of the OTHER poker players (a friend's boyfriend) and he told me that it got WORSE after I left and he finally ended up going off on CSCSLA, too! Apparently, it was even worse that time, as another of our friends apparently had to "hold him back" to keep him from kicking CSCSLA's ass.

I kindof wish he wouldn't have. CSCSLA needed it.

Happy friggin' New Year!

LOL!

All the things that make us laugh and cry...

2005-12-30T08:26:00.000-06:00

I was watching "Family Guy" last night, and started to wonder what it is that I like about that show so much.

I mean, Stewie is obviously a given. How could I not love an incredibly intelligent smartass 1 year old who is constantly trying to devise a plan to take over the world?

Brian is also a given. While I think that he needs to lay off the alcohol, he IS man's best friend after all. and quite smart and wordly. He is reminiscent of what I think that people like Carey Grant and Laurence Olivier would have been like. and we all know I love the movies, and men with large egos.

Chris is stupid, but likeable. I love when he says "There's an evil monkey in my closet!" That always makes me laugh.

Meg, well, Meg reminds me of the even more pathetic teenage version of myself.
Lois. Lois. Lois. Lois was OBVIOUSLY the brainchild of some man. No woman would be responsible for creating a character of a woman who is so tolerant of the worst examples of typical male bullshit. No normal human woman should be expected to put up with a man like Peter. I say "should" only because many human women do. and sometimes somewhat normal ones at that! Imagine that. Anyway, Lois is smart, attractive, and a good mom. Peter is entirely too lucky to have her.

Peter. What to say about Peter? What NOT to say about Peter, as a matter of fact!? Peter is every male stereotype that has EVER existed, all contained within one very rotund cartoon body.

He's a male chauvanist pig:

Lois: "I guarantee you that a man made that commercial."
Peter: "Of course a man made it. It's a commercial, Lois, not a delicious Thanksgiving dinner."

He's incredibly stupid:

Peter: "Oh my God, Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits. It says "Oooooooo!"
Brian: "Peter, those are Cheerios."

He drinks too much:

Lois: "You're drunk again."
Peter: "No, I'm just exhausted because I've been up all night drinking."

He's immature:

Peter: "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Lois, this isn't my Batman glass."

He's a pervert:

Chris: "Dad, what would you say if I told you I didn't want to be in the Scouts?"
Peter: "I'd say "Come again? and I'd laugh as I said "come"."

He thinks that TV is real life:

Peter: "Dear McGyver, Enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip, and a drinking straw. Please save my dog."

He's insensitive:

Peter: "Holy crip! He's a crapple!"

He says mean things to his kids:

Peter: "Sorry Meg. Daddy loves ya. but Daddy also loves Star Trek. and in all fairness, Star Trek was here first."

He's a fat pig:

Peter: "Hey Mort. Do these suppositories come in other flavors?"
Mort: "Peter, are you eating those?"
Peter: "No, I've been shoving 'em up my butt! Of course I'm eating 'em!"

So, I think that the bottom line is this...I love "Family Guy" because it's educational. That's right, I said educational. It is teaching me what I DON'T want in a man. If I spot any signs of "Peterness" in a man that I meet, I simply run away and never look back.

Whew! What a Week!

2005-12-29T13:16:00.000-06:00

Seriously, it's been a crazy week.

Here is the shortened version:

I dogsat for Miss High Maintenance Maltese for NINE DAYS. She was actually pretty good this time...it was too cold for her not to poop when I took her outside! LOL! Count 'em...NINE DAYS. NINE DAYS of not sleeping in my own bed. *sigh*. Well, at least I've got a bit of extra cash! Woo-hoo!

I saw "The Chronicles of Narnia". It was kewl. Lesli was scared...she kept putting her hands over her eyes during the fight scenes. LOL! It was a kids movie!

I shopped. A lot.

I hung out at Lesli's and played dominos and drank on Christmas Eve.

I baked a Pumpkin Cheesecake for Christmas dinner, and when I took it out of the oven, the pan collapsed and I had a Pumpkin Cheesecake mess on my hands. I didn't take it to Mom and Dad's because I was embarrassed by its ugliness, but it tastes damn good. LOL!

Christmas was spent eating breakfast, opening presents, and eating dinner at Mom and Dad's. Of course, more than once that day I picked on my parents for not continuing to give their grown daughter a stocking. Apparently now that I live on my own, I'm no longer a "child", and therefore don't deserve a "stocking". Dammit.

Oh, and I also spent quite a lot of time that day trying to keep their dog Lizzie from picking fights with her brother, Smitty. Lizzie is usually the nice one, but she was hurt or something and was pissed at the world. She attacked him once and we had to pull her off of him. Such violence on Christmas Day! What a shame!

Got lots of good presents...a knitting needle set (I will never have to buy new needles again...seriously!), a scale (which I asked for, so don't laugh), a new Anne Rice Book about Jesus, an old Navy Gift Card, a Target Gift Card, a Ms. Pac Man game, and a yummy smelling apple pie candle.

Played Cranium with my Dad, brother, and niece. For such an exceptionally smart man, my dad is really bad at following directions. Having to draw with his eyes closed and scuplt things out of play-doh was a little too overwhelming for him. Poor Dad. Good thing for him he was on my team, because I KICK ASS AT GAMES! Cranium is fun, BTW.

Saw the movie "Fun with Dick and Jane". It was funny, but I suggest you spend your movie-going money on something else. It's a good one to rent on DVD.

I knitted 2 more scarves, and started on a third.

I read most of "Memoirs of a Geisha", which is a really good book that has been sitting on my bookshelf for years, and I'm just now getting around to reading it because of all the talk about the movie.

I played the hell out of the "Ms. Pac Man" game I got from Jeff and Tracey. Actually, it's a "Ms. Pac Man" game with 4 other games on it, and I've been playing the hell out of "Mappy", which I'd never heard of before. It's addictive!

I went to Conway to see my sis and her kids and give them their Christmas presents. Did a good job of ignoring the asshole brother-in-law whilest I was there. He sucks. My sister is dumb. I love her, but she's dumb.

So that's about all I can think of right now. Fun, huh? Well, beotches, that's how I roll.

Tagarino - Per Grayhair's Request :)

2005-12-29T12:25:00.000-06:00

Sorry this took me so long, Gray headed one. I took a bit of a vacation from the world! LOL!

7 things to do before I die (in no particular order):

1. Get Married to a nice man who thinks that I am awesome, even if I am a little bit crazy sometimes
2. Have babies (or just A baby, I'm not picky!)
3. Move somewhere cool (in other words, not Arkansas)
4. Go to Australia (maybe I'll move THERE, who knows?)
5. Go to Ireland
6. Go on an African Safari
7. Join the Peace Corps (if I never get married...LOL!)

7 things I can't do:

1. Anything that has to do with a car short of other than driving it. Then again, I'm really not the best driver, either...
2. Play the guitar
3. Ice Skating
4. Walk for an entire day without falling down or tripping over something...
5. Refrain from correcting bad grammar
6. Be nice to people that suck.
7. Learn to like my brother-in-law. He sucks. Seriously. He sucks bad.

7 things that attract me to blogging:

1. It's a good place to get out pent-up anger. Much better than a person, don't you think?
2. Writing. I love writing.
3. It's another opportunity for me to talk about myself. I love myself. I rock.
4. I enjoy making people laugh. I'd probably be a stand-up comic if it weren't for that little "stage fright" issue...
5. Making witty NEW friends with other bloggers who understand where I "come from".
6. The opportunity to make fun of the smirking man, as the ladies at "Matilda's Advice and Rants" refer to Pres. Bush.
7. I dunno. Quit asking me questions.

7 things I say most often:

1. Fuck
2. I'm gonna poke you in the eye!
3. You're not right!
4. Quit picking on me!
5. I'm so sleepy!
6. Did you hear about.....?
7. I love Tom to death, but sometimes, he drives me insane! (work joke)

7 books I love:

1. The Stand by Stephen King
2. The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
3. Bridget Jones' Diary by Helen Fielding
4. The Odyssey (does that count as a book? If not, it should!)
5. The Mummy by Anne Rice
6. Along Came a Spider by James Patterson
7. The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis

7 movies I watch over and over:

1. Terms of Endearment
2. The Shawshank Redemption
3. Rebecca
4. Pride and Prejudice (the old one, with Laurence Olivier and Greer Garson)
5. When Harry Met Sally
6. The Philadelphia Story
7. Gone with the Wind

7 people I want to join in, too:

1. David
2-5. The folks at 'Tildys. All of 'em.
6. The "Jazzy Cool One"
7. Melroy

Nip/Tuck Season Finale

2005-12-21T13:00:00.000-06:00

SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT!

If you watch Nip/Tuck, and you haven't watched the season finale, do not read further.

Unless, of course, you want to know who "The Carver" is, and you just can't wait any longer.

but you can't say I didn't warn you!!!!!

I am a very faithful fan of the series Nip/Tuck on the F/X Channel. The show has always been a bit "different", but this season has been particularly "different". REALLY weird things have been happening. REALLY, REALLY weird.

Last night's finale wore me plumb out.

I was very bored with the revelation of Quinton as "The Carver". First of all, I do agree that a penisless man would be very screwed up in the noggin. but a penisless man as a plastic surgeon/dildo wearing rapist/slasher/carver/murderer? A little too stupid, in my opinion. Especially when taking into account that his cohort was his sister, a British police officer investigating "The Carver", who screwed Christian the first time she met him. I mean, seriously. A British police officer solving crimes in Miami? That was totally wacked out. I mean, we have this thing called the FBI. With many intelligent men and women ("G-People") who work for the American government. Why would we go to England for help? We wouldn't. Scotland Yard, maybe. but just a plain old Bristish cop? Nope. I knew something was up there when she jumped on Christian right off. Not like I wouldn't or anything, but still. I was like "What the hell kind of cop is she??"

I think it would have been MUCH more interesting had it been Ava...Matt's ex-trannygirlfriend. Or Merrill...the other plastic surgeon that they put to shame a couple of seasons ago. Of course, the ex-trannygirlfriend would have had to have worn a dildo, too, because Shawn gave her the operation.

and what was up with Matt, the new tranny, and the skinhead ex-girlfriend's dad? I know I missed a few episodes this season, but that whole situation completely flew over my head.

However, I must give kudos to the person thought up the whole part where they were showing SIMULTANEOUSLY the scenes where Quentin was torturing Shawn and Christian, and the skinhead was torturing Matt and the Tranny. That was some creepy stuff! I watched through my fingers, scared to death that I was going to see something get chopped off! Eww!

Matt was dumb to tell the tranny to shoot the skinhead. The daughter knew who he was with! Hellooooo! Do people not think?

lol!

40 Questions on 2005

2005-12-20T09:33:00.000-06:00

1. What did you do in 2005 that you’d never done before?
Why, I started a blog!

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I never keep New Year's resolutions!! I'm a bad, bad, girl!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, but one of my co-workers did. :)

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No...thank goodness!

5. What countries did you visit?
No countries, but I did do a bit of travelling in the good old US of A!

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
Love

7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
February 13 - This is the day that I flew back from Colorado after having helped Jason move. It was a very tough day for me. I cried a lot.
August 6 - 14 - This is the week I was on vacation. I went to Boise, Idaho to see the Weavers and to Colorado Springs to see you-know-who. It was a very nice vacation!
September 15 - My birthday...and it was the best birthday EVER!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Growing up and realizing that the only person that can make my life whole is ME!

9. What was your biggest failure?
What is this "failure" you speak of? I know nothing about that.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yup. I had bronchitis and a sinus infection in February. Another sinus infection in August. Yuck. and I hurt myself on a daily basis, but no major injuries occurred, thank you very much.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I suppose, since my car was paid off this year, one could say my car.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
My niece, Rikki, who did an awful lot of growing up this year. I am very proud of her. :)

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Jason...for treating me like shit, and OBVIOUSLY not knowing me AT ALL after nearly 4 years.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Down the drain! LOL!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The release of "The Chronicles of Narnia". It's about damn time!

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?
I have no idea!

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? the same!
c) richer or poorer? richer!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercise!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying about Jason, and eating.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
With my wonderful family! :)

22. Did you fall in love in 2005?
NOPE! I fell OUT of love, as a matter of fact!

23. How many one-night stands?
NONE! I'm no hootchie!

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Six Feet Under...I watched the first 4 seasons!

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hate is a wasted emotion, so no.

26. What was the best book you read?
"Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee" by Dee Brown. Every American should be required to read this book.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Jack Johnson!

28. What did you want and get?
Everything but love and a laptop!

29. What did you want and not get?
Love...and a laptop!

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Um, yeah, um...I don't know. I watch a lot of movies, so picking one out is way too hard.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 29+3, and my friends threw a surprise party for me at the Underground Pub. It was the best birthday I've had in a long, long time...maybe ever!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If I had let go of Jason sooner!

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
Two words...tank tops. LOL!

34. What kept you sane?
Knitting!

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Dan Abrams. He's !*&^%)#@ hot!

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The lack of response by the local, state, and national government to Hurricane Katrina!

37. Who did you miss?
Jason (ugh!) and the Weavers!

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Actually, I've met a lot of really great people this year! I would have to say Lesli, though. She has been great for me!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
Don't give too much of yourself to anyone that doesn't deserve it!

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"I opened my eyes while you were kissing me once
more than once
and you looked as sincere as a dog.
You looked as sincere as a dog does
When it's the food on your lips
with which
it's in love...."

My First Christmas Present!

2005-12-19T09:38:00.000-06:00

I received my first Christmas present this morning from one of the girls that I work with. As you can see, it is a replica of the "Pussy Wagon" keychain from the movie "Kill Bill". I think it's fabulous, although I'm going to have to take it off my keychain every time I go visit my mom. I don't think that something that says "Pussy" will sit very well with her...

Merry Christmas

Bad Christmas Specials

2005-12-16T10:26:00.000-06:00

I was watching a Christmas episode of "Family Guy" the other night, which featured Peter watching a faux Christmas special called "Kiss Saves Santa". "Kiss" being the rock band...you know, the guys with painted faces who sang "God Gave Rock N Roll To You". Anyway, it got me thinking about the really bad TV Christmas specials, so I thought I would compile a list of some really bad ones for a few laughs. Please, if you can think of any that I missed (and I'm sure there are tons of them...lol!), let me know. I'd love to include them!

"A Star Wars Christmas" - 1978 - Chewbacca tries to get home to his home planet of Kashyyyk to be with his family for the celebration of "Life Day". The journey home was made more difficult by a vengeful Darth Vader. This special was SO bad, that it was only aired one time.

The Village People in "Can't Stop the Christmas Music - On Ice" - 1980 - The Village People mobilize to save Christmas after Santa suffers from a Hyrnia. Thus follow several musical sequences - on ice! The band enlist the help of their friends (as elves) with an adapted version of the hit song "In the Navy".

"Christmas with the Nuge" - 2002 - Ted Nugent celebrates Christmas by hunting, and making jerky out of, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge.

"Nestor, the Long-Eared Donkey" - 1977 - A small donkey is born with very large ears that keep getting him into trouble. When his owner throws him out of a stable in disgust, his mother sacrifices her life to save him from a blizzard. In other words, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer meets Dumbo.

"Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" - 2000 - When his Grandmother disappears at Christmas, Jake is sent out to find her. He discovers that she's the unfortunate victim of a rather unusual hit-and-run accident, and that Santa is real but not quite the sort of guy he was expecting.

"Rudolph's Shiny New Year" - 1976 - Baby New Year ("Happy") is missing, and without Rudoph's help, time will stop forever! With the help of 1 Million B.C. and Sir 1023, and 1776, Rudolph searches through the islands of the Archipelago of Last Year to ensure a Happy New Year.

"He Man / She Ra: A Christmas Special" - 1985 - Santa vs. Skeletor. 'Nuff said.

"Christmas Comes to Pac-Land" - 1982 - Santa crashes into Pac Land on Christmas Eve. Also 'nuff said.

Any of the Kathie Lee Gifford Christmas Specials - ca. 1990's - Continual torture, highlighted by her bad singing, and her constant mention of Cassidy and Cody. Kathie Lee makes me want to cut off my ears and claw my eyes out.

SANTA SHOCKER!!!!

2005-12-15T10:23:00.000-06:00

A Christmas Play

2005-12-14T09:23:00.000-06:00

My niece, Kayce, is in the third grade, and she is our family's budding little actress. Last night, she played "Lolly Koala" in a play at her school called "Kookaburra's Christmas Down Under". She was, of course, the most beautiful and talented of all of the children that were in the play, not that I'm biased or anything. Anyway, it was just about the cutest thing I've ever seen.

After the play, my brother and I were chatting, and he asked me if one of the parents was some guy that I went to high school with. I said "I dunno, but that redhead over there graduated with me." He said, "Her daughter is Kayce's sworn enemy." I said "I didn't know third graders had sworn enemies. Doesn't that seem a bit extreme to you?" He said "All I know is that they've hated each other since kindergarten!" I had a good laugh over that one. Seriously, I'm 32 years old, and I don't think I've EVER had a "sworn enemy"!

I was a bad Aunt, who actually paid attention to the play in lieu of taking pictures. So I have none. Instead, I've posted a pic of an actual Kookaburra, so nobody will ask me what in the hell a Kookaburra is.

A Christmas Poem

2005-12-13T13:50:00.000-06:00

A Christmas Poem ~

At Christmas little children sing and merry bells jingle,
The cold winter air makes our hands and faces tingle,
and happy families go to church and cheerily they mingle,
and the whole business is unbelievably dreadful if you're single.

~ Wendy Cope

"Last night, I dreamt I went to Manderley again..."

2005-12-12T10:46:00.000-06:00

One of my VERY favorite movies of all time is Alfred Hitchcock's "Rebecca". It was the first Hitchcock film I remember seeing, and it was also the first movie I ever saw that starred Sir Laurence Olivier. and I love Laurence Olivier.

Rebecca was Hitchcock's first "American" film. It was produced by David O. Selznick ("Gone with the Wind") and it won the Academy Award for Best Picture in 1940.

Anyway, while I own a VHS copy of the movie, I will still watch it on occasion when I notice that TCM is running it. It was on this past Saturday afternoon, and of course, I watched it. Whilest I was lying on the sofa eating bon bons thinking about how I needed to get some more Christmas shopping done. It was a good excuse to be lazy for a couple more hours.

Anyway, the NEW Mrs. DeWinter is a character I have always been able to relate quite well with. She is a nameless character, in both the Daphne Du Maurier novel, and in the movie. The only reference that is ever made to her is as Mrs. DeWinter, and that's only when people are referring to her and not the previous Mrs. DeWinter.

She's a young shy thing, that falls madly in love with an older, widowed man and marries him shortly thereafter. She keeps hearing all of these stories about his first wife second hand, and she convinces herself that she will never measure up to the previous Mrs. DeWinter (aka...Rebecca) and she believes that her husband is still in love with his dead wife.

Add together a psychotic maid (Mrs. Danvers) that was absolutely insane about the first Mrs. DeWinter, and who makes her life a living hell, a husband who ignores the subject of Rebecca altogether, a new role in her life as the "lady" who runs a ginormous house (Manderley), and it's no wonder the New Mrs. DeWinter is so frazzled all of the time.

My favorite part of the movie is when she has taken about all she can of Rebecca and her memory, and she tells Mrs. Danvers to throw away all of Rebecca's personal things. Mrs Danvers says "but these are Mrs. DeWinters things!" and she replies "I'm Mrs. DeWinter now."

I love that part. Her life has completely spiraled out of her control, and she finally gets it back with those four simple words: "I'm Mrs. DeWinter now."

Mrs. DeWinter seems to be a weak little shy thing, but in reality, she is quite strong and willful when she needs to be. That's how most women are, actually. We may seem to be a certain way, but what we seem to be isn't always who we are. It's no wonder men are so confused about us.

I don't want to give away any more of the movie. It's surprising to me how FEW people have actually seen it when I tell them about it. You should watch it. Everyone should, as a matter of fact. One cold winter night, when you're in the mood for a mug of cocoa and an old black and white movie that's suspenseful, but not TOO suspenseful, and that has a nice surprising twist. You should definitely watch it. Unless you're one of those boring old sods that hates black and white movies. Then you should just be ashamed of yourself, and watch something stupid like "Dude Where's My Car" that has absolutely no depth or intrinsic value whatsoever!

Narnia

2005-12-09T09:25:00.000-06:00

I am so excited! Finally, after years and years and months and months of waiting, "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" has been made into a movie and it hits the silver screen TODAY!

"The Chronicles of Narnia" were my favorite books as a child. Well, them and the "Little House" books. but, I digress. "The Chronicles" introduced me to another world, and they were my first foray into the fantasy genre. I am a lover of books, having come by that quite honestly, as it is a family tradition to love books. My brother is an exception to that rule, as Jeff is more of a hands-on type of person that likes to do things than one who will sit still and read a book. I'll never forget the time about 7 years ago when I ran into him at a library and almost died of shock. but anyway, I digress again.

I'm digressing a lot this morning. Maybe I'm more hungover from the drinking on air experience yesterday than I thought.

Anyway, there has been a lot of discussion lately about how the Chronicles are Christianity-based. I don't remember reading the books and thinking "Wow. There are some really good lessons about religion in these books." I remember thinking "A lion that talks and is the king of an entire other world?!! That's awesome!" Of course, that lion (Aslan) dies and then comes back to life, and the main characters of the novel (the Pevensie children) are referred to as "Sons of Adam and Daughters of Eve", but other than that, I'm really not sure WHAT these books have to do with Christianity.

I think that if you look long and hard at just about anything, any movie, any book, any tv show, ANYTHING really, you can probably find some sort of hidden religious meaning hidden in it somewhere. Those of us that don't, and that just enjoy things for what they are, are probably happier. I'm not trashing Christianity, or any religion for that matter, by any means. If you feel the need to find a religious meaning in absolutely everything, I think that's a good sign that your life has no meaning. If being overwhelmed by the need for verification that there's more to life than just plain old regular life is what it takes to bring meaning to your life, then how are you enjoying the life that you have been blessed with at all?

I just don't get it.

Drinking and Typing Do Not Mix!

2005-12-08T15:16:00.000-06:00

Forget drinking and driving...I can't drink and type! I was on one of our radio stations today, doing an experiment with 2 of my co-workers to see how much alcohol it took for us to "blow" over the limit before our asses would get arrested and go to jail. After only 2 beers, I failed the test where I was supposed to walk in a straight line. I can't walk in a straight line SOBER, so how I was supposed to walk in a straight line after drinking, I do not know. Anyway, it was a lot of fun. and I have this picture with me wearing Scott's silly hat to show for it. Oh well, at least I didn't derobe...

Anyway, I drank 5 beers (Miller Lite, thank you very much) and blew a 0.093, which means that in Arkansas, I would definitely be going to jail. If. I. was. driving. of. course. Which I'm not. Thanks Lesli, for being my DD.

Bridge

2005-12-06T09:09:00.000-06:00

Ha! and you thought this was a post about some stupid card game!

I'm reading Bridget Jones' Diary. AGAIN. I read it whenever I am trying to get over someone. It always makes it better somehow. As in the "Thank God I'm not the only one who is stupid enough to get myself into those situations" better. and every time I read it, it's like I'm reading a completely new book. I think that's because every relationship is different, and brings an entirely new set of experiences to ones life.

I remember reading it a few years ago and thinking "Whoa. That Daniel Cleaver sure is something. I'm glad I've never let an emotional fuckwit mess with ME like that!"

but that was in the past. and now I HAVE had the experience of an emotional fuckwit messing with me like that.

You-know-who (who shall remain nameless so I don't get sued or something) IS Daniel Cleaver...a complete megalomaniac that thinks Bridget is GREAT for fun and sex when he needs it, likes to act like her boyfriend when it's convenient, and not act like her boyfriend when it's not, who can even be surprisingly nice at times...but somewhere in the back of his mind, you know he's always thinking he can do better.

How can anyone even conceive of doing better than Bridget? This is Bridget Jones for Gawd's sake! Bridget, a singleton who likes to have fun, who has a great sense of humor, who has fabulous, although flawed, friends, Bridget who likes to have a drink and a fag and buy lottery tickets, Bridget who isn't afraid to wax, shave, buff, or wear naughty panties for a boy. How could it possibly get better than that?

I swear I am Bridget. Other than the whole Mother thing. Her mom is quite annoying, and mine is not at all annoying. Anyway, I read her "diary", and I'm like "Yup. Been there. Yup. Done that." Probably because I am a clutzy girl who likes alcohol, fags (cigarettes, by the way), and will do stupid things for boys. (I would buy lottery tickets as well, but this is Arkansas, so I can't.)

So, I guess next on my list of Things to do is to find MY Mark Darcy. A hot lawyer who likes me "just as I am...." Who would give me the biggest news story of the year in order to save my job. Who would fly to Thailand to break me out of jail. That's what I need. Mark Darcy. and if he looks like Colin Firth, even better. :)

Not quite a KO....BUT...

2005-12-05T11:13:00.000-06:00

The winner by unanimous decision and STILL undisputed Middleweight Champion of the World....Jermain "Bad Intentions" Taylor!!

I watched the match between Taylor and Hopkins the other night. You know, as an Arkansan, it is required that I support my fellow Arkansans that "done good". It was the first boxing match I have EVER sat and watched WILLINGLY in my life. and I must say, it was surprisingly interesting.

Congrats JT! You are awesome!

Oh, and if anyone knows where I can get a replica of JT's robe, please let me know. lol!

My Christmas Tree!

2005-12-04T21:54:00.000-06:00

David, I FINALLY put my tree up!

Scissors and Screwdrivers and Pliers OH MY!

2005-12-02T09:31:00.000-06:00

Have you heard that the Transportation Security Administration has announced that as of December 22, airline passengers will be allowed to bring "small" scissors, screwdrivers, wrenches and pliers on board planes in America?

Apparently, their concern is that if they are focusing on what the passengers bring on board, they aren't focusing on searching for explosives. Yes, explosives.

I guess that their belief is that if there is another terrorist attack in the US, it will be done with explosives this time. Not box cutters.

Am I the only one that thinks this is just silly?

If the terrorists know that screeners at airports are looking for explosives, don't ya think that may just make them want to take another route? I could think of a few of them myself, and I'm not a terrorist.

The assumption seems to be that the only terrorists that we really have to worry about are Arab men. We don't know that. Anyone that's got a few screws loose or is incredibly desperate can cause mayhem. Next time, it could be child workers from China, sent to America to work for free, each of them brandishing a sewing kit and a pair of scissors!

It just doesn't seem right to me. The terrorists killed 3,000 people on 9/11 with box cutters. BOX CUTTERS, people. The primary weapon of the terrorist is the fear that they instill in their victims. Even a person that would normally not be frightened of a little old box cutter knows that in the hand of a crazy religious zealot nutcase, a box cutter can be dangerous. and I'm sorry, but I'd rather have one come after me with a box cutter than a pair of scissors.

and don't let the "small scissors" description fool you. These are scissors with no more than a 4" blade. Like the ones my mom used to use to cut cloth. Like the ones that every employee of every corporation in America has sitting on their desk next to their letter openers and hole punches. Like the kind that parents wouldn't dare allow their child to use because they are too dangerous. Scissors with a 4" blade are NOT small, people. I own a few pair of them myself, and I feel for the asshole that tries to fuck with me when I have a pair of them in my hand.

And, just out of curiosity...why the hell would anyone need to take a wrench or pliers on an airplane, anyway?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2005-12-01T16:15:00.000-06:00

That's right. I said Merry Christmas. Not Happy Holidays. Are you mad? Are you offended? If so, then you need to GET A LIFE.

If I go into say, Wal-Mart, and I see a Menorah, am I offended because it's a symbol of Hannukah, which is, therefore, a symbol of Judaism? No. I'm not.

If I go into K-Mart, and I see a Kwanzaa WHATEVER, am I offended because it's a celebration of someone that has a different heritage than I? No. I'm not.

Do you know why? Because THIS, my friends, is AMERICA. America has a free market. America also has this thing called "Freedom of Religion". As such, marketers have the right to sell whatever they want and call it whatever they want. Customers also have a right to worship whom or whatever they want, and celebrate whatever holiday they want, WITHOUT IT IMPEDING ON THE RIGHTS OF OTHER CUSTOMERS.

If you don't like it, I'm sorry. but Christmas is, essentially, a Christian holiday. It is a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. and don't try to tell me all about how Jesus was born in the Spring and how Christmas is celebrated in December in order to overshadow a pagan religion. I already know all of that. Regardless, of all of that, December 25th is the day that the Christian folk celebrate the birth of Christ.

If you are not a Christian and you put up a tree and open presents on December 25th, you are a HYPOCRITE. Thusly, saying that it is the "Holiday" or whatever you want to call it, and calling Christmas Trees "Holiday Trees", is total and complete and utter BULLSHIT. That's like calling a Menorah a "Holiday Candle Holder"! It's not! IT'S A MENORAH!!!

but regardless of all of this, I'm not so ignorant that I won't stop shopping somewhere because they won't call their Christmas Trees by their true name. I won't stop wanting to own a Honda Accord someday because they have a commercial that features a very strange song that annoys the hell out of me called "Happy Honda Days" that SOUNDS like "Happy Holidays" but is sung to the tune of "We Wish You a Merry Christmas".

Do you know why? Because I am not threatened by diversity. Why would I be? I feel comfortable in my own skin, and I'm comfortable with my beliefs. If I deny someone else's right to believe whatever they choose, then they have the right to deny my right to believe what I believe. and I don't want that. Do you????

Why can't we all just get along? That would be so nice, wouldn't it? Just to have happy people prancing around because they weren't worried about what everyone else was doing because everything just WAS and life was grand? Yeah, that would be nice.

Merry Christmas.

Happy Kwanzaa.

Happy Hanukkah.

Happy Whatever.

Thanksgiving Post

2005-11-28T16:14:00.000-06:00

OBVIOUSLY, I'm running a few days late posting about Thanksgiving. Oh well.

Anyway, my holiday weekend was FABULOUS. Of course, if you know me, then you know that I'm always happy when food is involved. Here are my best memories of Thanksgiving Weekend '05:

My nephew, Tanner, hiding behind a chair from his cousin, Rikki, because he was "shy".

Tanner insisting that he give 2 hugs to everyone when he left, although we all knew fully well that he only really wanted to give Rikki two hugs.

Tanner is 4, by the way. and his Aunt Marla is absolutely insane about him. I know I'm not supposed to have favorites, but I do. Why? a) I'm the baby, he's the baby. b) our birthdays are 3 days apart. c) we're EXACTLY alike.

My chocolate chip cheesecake. Yummy!

Having to explain to Rikki why I would never date a hunter: "I wouldn't clean, much less EAT any of the meat that they brought home, so what's the point? Well, that, and I worked at a hunting store for 5 years, so I know how much money they spend on that crap!" LOL!

My niece thinks I'm slightly nuts, by the way. Oh well. She'll just have to get in line. LOL!

Rikki watching me knit, and then telling me that she knew how to knit. The best part was the next day when she called me and said "I forgot how to cast on. Can you give me a quick lesson over the phone?"

Reading the book "Cause Celeb" by Helen Fielding. It's really good. and rather scary how much Rosie's relationship with Oliver reminds me of my relationship with Jason. Scary to the extent that I actually thought about buying him a copy and mailing it to him, and asking him to read it simply so he'll understand why he MADE me so G!)&#$N crazy sometimes.

Sitting on my ass all day on Friday and laughing out loud at all of the people that went shopping in that marketing quagmire. I would rather be strung up by my fingernails than go shopping on Black Friday.

Going shopping on Sunday and buying new pillows, new black boots, and a cute long black sweater...finally putting to use the giftcards that I got for my birthday TWO MONTHS AGO...when I really SHOULD have been shopping for Christmas gifts. Oh well.

Cleaning my apartment so that it shines. Yeah, I'm weird like that.

Going out for dinner and drinks on Saturday, and being ogled by a hot waiter. It's always nice to know that guys still think you're hot, even though you're a 32 year old spinster. teeheehee!

Going to see the movie "Jarhead" with my dad on Saturday. While I would have preferred to see "Good Night...and Good Luck", it was only playing at the artsy movie theater in town, which has crappy, and very uncomfortable, seats. So we went to the Rave theater instead and saw "Jarhead", which was surprisingly good. and not only because I got to see Jake Gyllenhall's bare ass. =)

The ending of last night's episode of Desperate Housewives. YOU GO, BREE!!!! lol!

Alright...that's all I can think of. I'm not feeling overly creative today anyway. I'm a tired beooootch.

Teen With Peanut Allergy Dies After Kiss

2005-11-28T16:12:00.000-06:00

I don't know why...but this made me really sad!

Courtesy of Yahoo! News:

SAGUENAY, Quebec - A 15-year-old girl with a peanut allergy died after kissing her boyfriend, who had just eaten a peanut butter snack, hospital officials said Monday.

Christina Desforges died in a Quebec hospital Wednesday after doctors were unable to treat her allergic reaction to the kiss the previous weekend.

Desforges, who lived in Saguenay, about 155 miles north of Quebec City, was almost immediately given a shot of adrenaline, a standard tool for treating the anaphylactic shock brought on by a peanut allergy, officials said.

An autopsy was being performed. Dr. Nina Verreault, an allergist at the Chicoutimi Hospital in Saguenay, declined to comment on the case.

The symptoms of peanut allergy can include hives, plunging blood pressure and swelling of the face and throat, which can block breathing.

Peanut allergies have been rising in recent decades. The reason remains unclear but one study found that baby creams or lotions with peanut oil may cause children to develop allergies later in life.

About 1.5 million Americans are severely allergic to even the smallest trace of peanuts and peanut allergies account for 50 to 100 deaths in the United States each year. Canadian figures were not immediately available.

Nancy Grace

2005-11-23T13:39:00.000-06:00

I love to watch Nancy Grace. She is one woman that I NEVER want to piss off. I watch her show on CNN just about every evening, and if I were a lazy ass who didn't work, I'd watch her on Court TV every day, too.

Anyway, last night, they were talking about the Debra LaFave case in Florida. Debra LaFave was a newlywed teacher in her mid-twenties when she was arrested last year for having sex with a fourteen year old male student. Yesterday, LaFave pled guilty and was sentenced to 3 years of "community control" (basically house arrest) and 7 years of probation.

This did not sit well with Nancy...or myself.

If it were a man, he would have been sentenced to jail time. and she SHOULD have been sentenced to jail time.

LaFave's attorney said in court yesterday...AND I QUOTE..."Debra is too pretty to go to prison."

Too pretty?

WHAAAAAT?

Nancy said something that genuinely made an impact on me. When speaking to guests about the light sentence that LaFave received, and the belief that she received a light sentence because the victim's mother ("the most important person in the case") didn't want to "put her son through a trial" she said:

"The reality is, Jane Velez-Mitchell, investigative reporter, the most important person in this case is a group of people. It`s the people of Florida, who expect the courts and the prosecutor to do the right thing. And for Lady Justice, who coincidentally, everybody, is wearing a blindfold -- she is to be blind to the race, the sex, the age, the beauty, the wealth, the education of defendants and victims!"

There are sooo many loopholes in our justice system, that there is no telling how this woman truly got off so easily. I am aware that deals are made all of the time. BUT, I seriously, seriously, seriously DOUBT that if this were a male perpetrator and a female victim, that ANY deals would have been made. AND THAT UPSETS ME.

If our country and it's laws and bylaws TRULY believe that men and women are EQUAL, we should receive EQUAL PUNISHMENT as well as EQUAL BENEFIT. To say that it's "okay" for a woman to do something like that, but not for a man to do it is JUST PLAIN WRONG. Nancy's guests (who were WOMEN for the most part) kept using the "Women aren't repeat offenders...boys aren't as affected as girl would be..." arguments.

I WANTED TO HIT THEM!!!

That is all I have to say about that.

Thankful

2005-11-23T13:11:00.000-06:00

Since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I have been thinking about the many things that I am thankful for. There are a lot of them. There are also a lot of things that I am UN-thankful for, but since it's not UN-Thanksgiving yet, we won't go there. LOL!

Anyway, here's my list:

I'm thankful that I live in a country that celebrates a holiday that honors the things that you are thankful for by eating as much food as you can stuff into your face in one day!

I'm thankful for cartoons!

I'm thankful for cable news because whenever I start to think my life sucks, all I have to do is turn on CNN or MSNBC to see how much worse someone else has it, and I feel better!

I'm thankful that I have a mother that raised me to be an independent woman who doesn't need to have a significant other to feel fulfilled. While I would LIKE to have a significant other, I don't NEED a significant other. Get it?

I'm thankful that I have a family that loves me regardless of the fact that I disagree with 99% of their beliefs!

I'm thankful that I don't have one of those mothers that calls me every day and asks me "When are you getting married?" I feel sorry for my friends that do. My mom is not a pain in the ass. If I ever get married, my husband will love my mother!

I'm thankful that I have the dad that I do. While sometimes I'm convinced he is slightly insane, he's actually very sweet!

I'm thankful that I have friends like Lesli, Courtney, Kelly, Rachel, Jennifer and Holle that love me for who I am and don't try to change me!

I'm thankful that I have friends, period!

I'm thankful for movies and music and television and books and all of the other things that entertain us on a daily basis. Life would be so boring without them!

I'm thankful for being an Aunt. I have kids I get to love on and spoil rotten, but none of the responsibilities!

I'm thankful for having a place to live, a car to drive, and food to eat!

I'm thankful for having a job that I like, and that I work with people that respect me...

I'm thankful that I'm healthy...well, except for my stomach problems...but if that's the only problem I have, I count myself lucky!

I'm thankful that I'm about to be off of work for 4 days!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm thankful for my mom's cornbread dressing. That's the best stuff I've ever eaten!

I'm thankful that there is still another month before Christmas!

I'm thankful that I'm in my thirties because I don't worry about stupid crap anymore now that I'm "mature"!

I'm thankful that I know how to knit because I'm saving a lot of money this Christmas by knitting scarves for everyone!

I'm thankful for fiber! Fiber RULES!

I'm thankful for Diet Mountain Dew, even though I'm allergic to Yellow Dye and Mountain Dew makes my palms itch.

I'm thankful for Hobby Lobby. I LOVE THAT STORE!

I'm thankful that it's nice and quiet at work right now, because I have time to blog!

I'm thankful that I am a silly girl with a silly sense of humor, because I make myself laugh at least once per day!

I'm thankful for my brother. Just because!

I'm thankful that my sister is turning 40 on Friday, because now I can pick on her about how old she is. (Even though I don't really think 40 is old...I'm sure the whole thing is bothering her...and bothering her is FUN)!

I'm thankful for cleaning supplies, because I love to clean, and it would be hard to do without them!

I'm thankful for gum, because gum is good!

I'm thankful that I'm a level headed person who keeps out of trouble, even though sometimes I think it would be fun to do something really bad just to see if I can get away with it!

I'm thankful that I don't have a lot planned this weekend. I'm looking forward to vegging out!

I'm thankful that Jason lives 1,000 miles away from me, because it makes getting over him sooooo much easier!

I'm thankful that I'm going to have 3 weeks of vacation next year!

I'm thankful that my aunt and uncle in Mississippi survived Hurricane Katrina!

I'm thankful that my parents only live a 20 minute drive away, because it means I can go home for the holidays quite easily!

I'm thankful that I live by myself, because I can do whatever the hell I want to whenever the hell I want to and I don't have to answer to anyone!

I'm thankful that I live by myself because I can run around naked, too!

I'm thankful. Period.

Reason 5,394 that it doesn't pay to be a racist piece of shit...

2005-11-22T15:10:00.000-06:00

I wonder how hard it was for the nice folks working on this guy to "do no harm"...

My guess? VERY!

It's My Anniversary!

2005-11-21T13:19:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was my 5 year anniversary at the company that I work for. This is, aside from my family and a few of my friends, one of the longest relationships that I've ever had. It could quite possibly be the only 5 year anniversary I will ever celebrate. Who knows?

This is especially exciting considering that as of January 1st, I'll get THREE count 'em, THREE weeks of vacation. Woo hoo!

Dogsitting

2005-11-20T11:55:00.000-06:00

I will not poop, I tell you! I don't care how many times you walk me!

I refuse! It's unladylike!

This is Tess. She is a very sweet Maltese that belongs to my boss and his lovely wife. When boss and his lovely wife go out of town, I dogsit for them. While Tess is quite sweet, she stresses me out.

I have never before in my life met a dog that refuses to poop. and eat. This is why Tess is HIGH MAINTENANCE. While I normally enjoy dogsitting, she WEARS ME OUT. I'm constantly worried that she is going to starve to death on my watch, or worse, poop on boss' white carpet.

In reality, I think Tess just worries when her owners go out of town. Worries that she is stuck with me forever and that they are never going to come back. I think she feels abandoned. I have never been mean to her, even though she stresses me out. So why else would she stress out about me watching her? Every other dog on earth that I have ever come into contact with has LOVED me. I'm a dog person. I think that dogs are wonderful and fabulous. I even think that Tess is wonderful and fabulous, but alas, she still worries when I am around. It makes me sad. and it makes me feel like a bad dogsitter.

and I babysit this dog quite a few times every year. You would think she would be used to me by now. Maybe she just takes exception to the fact that I call her HIGH MAINTENANCE. Who knows...

In other dog related news, Mom and Dad's dog Smitty, who I love above and beyond all other dogs on earth, scratched my nose in a frenzied face licking incident yesterday.

2005-11-18T10:23:00.000-06:00

Women Over 30

2005-11-17T10:35:00.000-06:00

Andy Rooney says: As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 30 give a hoot what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons.

Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress

The Purse - The Portal to a Woman's Mind.

2005-11-16T15:37:00.000-06:00

I watched the movie "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" the other day. There is a scene where Kate Hudson's character (Andie) left her purse "accidentally" at Matthew McConaugheyheyhey's character's (Ben) house. The next day, Ben and his friends were chatting about the significance of a woman's purse. His friends wanted him to look in it, but Ben WISELY said "No!" and quipped "A woman's purse is her secret source of power."

This got me thinking about purses, and why men are so fascinated with them.

So, I decided to disassemble mine, take a picture of it's contents, and ask the question "What does my purse say about me?"

Since I seriously doubt that you can tell from the picture what everything is, here is a list:

1. A small notebook

2. 2 pens

3. Booklet that came with my School Partner's card

4. My paycheck

5. Race for the Cure Receipts (Shit! I need to turn those in for reimbursement!)

6. Fiona Apple CD

7. Glasses

8. Tylenol

9. Antibacterial Hand Gel

10. 1 Tampon

11. 1 Pantyliner

12. Icebreakers Sours

13. Listerine Pocket Mist

14. Trident Gum

15. Nicorette Gum

16. Mirror

17. Compact with eyeshadow and blush

18. Face Powder

19. Visine

20. 4 lip glosses

21. 2 lip balms

22. Chapstick

23. a dime

24. Keys

25. Scented lotion

26. Scented body spray

27. Sunglasses

28. Wallet

29. Checkbook

30. Tide stain remover pen

What does that say about me? Other than the fact that I like shiny lips, that is?

They're ALL Assholes!

2005-11-15T12:56:00.000-06:00

One of my friends emailed this to me today, and it's entirely too good not to share. Click on the title of this blog, and enjoy.

Glass Glass Everywhere!

2005-11-15T08:31:00.000-06:00

This morning, I woke up to find shards of broken glass all over my living room floor and dining room table. How in the world the globe light from my ceiling fan fell and broke into a hundred pieces in the middle of the night without waking me up, I do not know. I'm just glad that my sleep deprived nightowl self didn't walk on top of the damn glass before I noticed it was there.

I picked it up and piled it on the table so that I wouldn't step on it while getting ready for work. It's still there. God, I hate mornings.

An Insult to Horse's Asses Everywhere

2005-11-15T08:25:00.000-06:00

Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

One of them said "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident. I reattached them, and 8 months later, he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

The second one said "That's nothing! A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident. I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field events at the Olympics."

The third surgeon said "You guys are amateurs! Several years ago, a drunk cowboy rode a horse head-on into a train travelling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was a horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now, he's President of the United States!"

Carinos

2005-11-14T11:58:00.000-06:00

I'm not really sure why we took this picture, but what the hell.

Saturday night, Lesli and I decided to meet for drinks and dinner at the new Carino's in Little Rock. Can I just tell you that we got the best service EVER? Seriously, I mean it. EVER. EVER!!!! It was almost surreal how nice the people working there were to us.

First of all, our waitress was very cool. She asked me if we were planning on staying for a bit or if we needed our check, and I said "I think we're going to stay for a while and DRINK." She said "Please do! Take your time! I'm crazy busy, and it would actually help me out a bit if you DON'T leave." WHHHAAT? I have never EVER had a waitress (or waiter) that WANTED me to stay. Normally, they try to rush you in and out. I was aghast!

Then, Lesli realized she didn't have any cigarettes. Our waitress set out on a mission to find her some. One of the girls working there gave us her LAST cigarettes, and then the manager offered to go buy some for her. Lesli gave him money, he went across the street, and BOUGHT HER A PACK OF CIGARETTES. The manager, for goodness sake!! Oh, and yes, Lesli did give the sweet girl who shared with us some cigarettes so she wouldn't be without.

We saw the bartender fixing a drink with chocolate syrup, and we were alternately drooling over it and trying to figure out what it was. She drizzled some chocolate syrup in a martini glass, and then poured a white concoction in it. She heard Lesli and I making guesses as to what it was and she told us "It's a white chocolate martini. They're REALLY good." Duh. Then a couple of minutes later, she brought each of us a little glass filled with what was leftover. and let me tell you...it was GOOD. and FREE! Which is even better!

Good service is difficult to find in this day and age, folks. I am totally going back to Carino's in Little Rock, and often. I suggest you do the same. Their food is damn good, too, by the way. I suggest the Italian Nachos. Mmmmm!

Blog for Lesli

2005-11-11T09:22:00.000-06:00

Cute picture that Lesli took of me on SEPTEMBER 15 with her cell phone...

...that she just figured out how to send to me yesterday. LOL!

Lesli says I'm not posting enough to my blog. To that, I say "Pshaw!" So, I've decided to blog about Lesli.

Lesli...what to say about my friend Lesli...? Hmmmm....I can't think of anything BAD to say about her, so what's the point? If I thought she were bad, I wouldn't be friends with her!

Oh, I know, I know. I'm going to blog about how Lesli has a friend with a degree in COMPUTER INFORMATION SYSTEMS, yet she is afraid to post to my blog because she's afraid she'll screw something up. I'm also going to blog about how Lesli has a friend with a degree in COMPUTER INFORMATION SYSTEMS, and another who used to SELL CELL PHONES and she just now figured out how to email photos that she takes with her cell phone.

In other words, I'm gonna blog about how my friend Lesli is always doing things for other people, but she doesn't like to ask other people for help. Lesli, Lesli, Lesli. Silly woman!

BLOPS Agent 420

2005-11-11T09:05:00.000-06:00

I want to take Melroy Frumpleheimer out on the town, get him wasted on Crown & Cokes, and make him tell me funny stories. Click on the title of this blog to find out why.

p.s...Bunnies are so cute! :)

Syrup Fun

2005-11-09T11:56:00.000-06:00

I am lost. I am at Angela's desk, and I don't know how to get home.

Please call 555-SZRP to claim me.

I was sitting at my desk a few minutes ago, and one of my co-workers (the lovely Angela) did an overhead page and said "Whoever left syrup sitting on Angela's desk, please come get it. Whoever left syrup sitting on Angela's desk, please come get it." I, of course, laughed.

A few seconds later, one of my OTHER co-workers (Ed) came over to my desk and said "Page overhead and say 'Whomever has my syrup, please bring it back to me.'" I said, "Actually, I was thinking it would be funnier if we said something like 'Whomever has my pancake mix, please bring it back." So he did. It was the funniest shit.

I decided to blog about it, I don't know why. Probably because I enjoy blogging about the silly things my co-workers and I do (for example, the rubber chicken incident) and felt that a picture of the offending bottle of syrup would be funny, too. but I have a question: Why would ANYONE have a half full bottle of syrup at work anyway?

CLUTZ!

2005-11-08T14:22:00.000-06:00

Ouch!

This is my heel. Please do not look too closely, as it has been a while (argh!) since I had a pedicure, and my heels look gross. Anyway, it's hot today (85 degrees. In NOVEMBER!!), so I'm wearing sandals. My sandals are dangerous! One of them has this little rivet thingie that sticks out, and in a typical moment of Marla clutziness, I scraped it across the heel of the other foot and now I have a huge gash. and it hurts.

I wish that I weren't such a clutz. I can't go through a day without wounding myself in some way, spilling something, or breaking something. It's abso-FUCKING-lutely ridiculous.

Numb

2005-11-07T16:15:00.000-06:00

Have you ever loved someone so much that you would give up everything for them?

I have. Only once.

and I was left behind in the dust of the trail that he left as he ran as far and as fast as he could to get out of Arkansas.

I, being one that loved, supported him in his endeavor. I wanted him to be happy.

and now, months later, he is happy. and he's never moving back to Arkansas. He has this impression, a mistaken one, that I WANT to live here for the rest of my life, and that I am, apparently, sitting at home waiting for him to move back. I know this for a fact, because he told a friend this, who told his wife, who told me.

Not true.

I love myself. First and foremost. I can love someone else with my whole being and still love myself. That's what being a grown up is all about, no?

I'm tired of being made to feel like I'm not worthy of having a friend or lover who is willing to do for me what I am willing to do for him. I deserve more than that. Don't we all? I love Arkansas, but this is not where my heart is. This is not my true home. but because I have not made my leap of faith and moved somewhere far away according to his timeline, he has come to the conclusion that I have settled here. and, thusly, by coming to such "conclusions", the proof is in the pudding that he does not have faith in me. He does not believe in me. and he does not care for me like he claims to.

He does not know me at all. and that makes me sad. Very sad. and mad.

So for right now, I am numb. I will give this person no more of my heart. Instead, I will keep it to myself for a while, during which time I will find myself, and make that jump. That leap toward wherever I decide to go whenever I am ready.

I would have walked five hundred miles, and
I would have walked five hundred more,
to have been the woman who walked 1,000 miles to fall down at his door,
but no more.

Things I Learned From TV This Weekend

2005-11-07T14:17:00.000-06:00

Thing #1:

This weekend, I watched something called "Red Light District" that was on TV at about 1 am Sunday morning after I got home from playing Texas Hold 'Em at Lesli's. I don't remember what station it was on, but it was most likely A&E, Court TV, or the Discovery Channel. Anyway, it was about hookers around the world. I remember in particular the segments that were filmed in Russia, Cuba, and Israel. They said something on this show that genuinely made me sad. Prostitutes in Russia AND Cuba are oftentimes women who have successful careers as doctors, scientists, and such, that make such pitiful salaries with their CAREERS (pitiful as in somewhere in the range of $100-$150 A MONTH) that they resort to prostitution to pay their bills because they can make $200-$300 IN ONE NIGHT. I'm glad I don't live in Russia. or Cuba.

This really disturbed me. and I have been mad about it ever since. That a DOCTOR, a DOCTOR, PEOPLE...would EVER EVER have to resort to selling her body to PAY HER BILLS!!! Do I blame her, though? NO! I don't blame her! If I were her, I would save the hell out of most of my hooking money, take some English as a Second Language Classes, and move to America and get a job as a DOCTOR and make the money I should have made in my homeland!

Thing #2:

Yesterday, I was watching (before and after the flat tire) THS Investigates on E!, and there was an episode about "Women Who Love Men Who Kill", which was basically about women who date or marry men that are in jail. These were not women who knew these men BEFORE they went to jail, but women who met them AFTER they went to jail. It made me very sad to think that there are so many women that feel so desperate for love that they will fall in love with some CONVICT who fills them up with sweet words, and tells them what they want to hear sooooo badly, that they will believe them. As one of the convicts said "Uh, we're in jail because we committed crimes. We're liars, thieves, rapists and killers. Why would any woman want to be with us?"

Sweetie, the woman that WOULD, is a woman that needs to learn to have some respect for herself!

Anyway, what REALLY shocked me about this whole thing was a segment about "Famous Novelist Once Married To Convict". I was really curious, being the avid reader that I am. Hopeful that it wasn't one of my favorite writers such as Tami Hoag or Nora Roberts or *gasp* Anne Rice. Turns out, it was DANIELLE STEELE! Not that I'm a fan or anything, but I have read quite a few of her books. I stopped reading them when I realized they were all the same story regurgitated with different names and locations. You know...Terrible husband leaves wife because she gets pregnant/cancer/whatever. Wife moves on with life. Wife meets new man. Relationship with new man is hard because of pregnancy/cancer/whatever, but everything works out in the end because second husband is a man, but not a horrible one.

Well, apparently back in the day before she published her first novel (in the 70's, when I was but a wee lass), Danielle Steele dated a prisoner. He got out of jail, moved in with her, got bored with living the "status quo" normal life, so he went and robbed some people and raped a woman. He went back to jail and she married him. Yep. She married a convicted rapist. They stayed married a couple of years, she got divorced, wrote her first novel (which was, ironically, about a woman whose husband was falsely accused of rape) and then married a man that had recently been released from prison (drug charges this time) who eventually got in trouble again and went back to prison.

Sheesh. Sometimes, it's no fucking wonder men think we're so stupid. but I can assure you, dear reader, that I will never do this. I have had men treat me badly, but no more!!!! I'm a new woman! I only want nice men now! Well, not TOO nice. *wink*wink*

I Have the POWER!!

2005-11-07T10:53:00.000-06:00

I have always been a "girly girl". Well, somewhat at least. I say fuck a lot, and I don't know how girly one can be when they cuss like a sailor. Anyway, I am, besides the f-word thing, all girl. I like manicures, pedicures, facials, bubble baths, knitting, and strategically placing candles, potpourri, and other smell good things in my home. I also love wearing makeup, smelling good and looking cute. I do not love fixing my hair. but that's another story.

I have an older brother. Who, at my command (yeah, right) will kick any guys ass that I ask him to and fix car issues when I have them. I say this like I have control over him, but goodness knows that's not true. This IS the person that made it his life mission to torture me as often as possible when I was a child, after all. In truth, if either of the two of us are the boss of the other, it is him. Realistically though, my brother rocks the cazbah and I adore him above and beyond all other human beings on earth. He takes very good care of me. He's an awesome brother, and an awesome human being.

Every Sunday, Jeff, his family and I go to Mom and Dad's house to visit and eat dinner. It's very nice. We see each other once a week and the rest of the week we do our own thing. I'm very lucky. I don't have a nosy family that calls every day. They only call if it's a birthday, a holiday, or well, Sunday. The man that marries me will be the luckiest man on earth. He will NEVER have to complain about my Mother who calls 20 times a day, because she doesn't. She's different from most Moms. She's more laid back.

Anyway, I digress. I was planning to go for dinner last night, and wanted to make a quick trip to Michael's before hand to pick up some yarn so I could finish the scarf I was knitting for my nephew. On the way there, I hit a foreign object on Markham Street. I don't know for certain what it was, but I did see a brick nearby (in the middle of the road!) and when it hit, it was LOUD. I thought "Well shit," but went along my way as if it had never happened. Which is what I usually do....ignore things until they become a problem. LOL!

Unfortunately, it was quite evident upon LEAVING Michael's about 10 minutes later that something was wrong. Literally. I drove like 2 feet before I was aware that I had a flat. So I pulled into the US Bank parking lot, got out, and took a look at it. This tire was not only flat, it was a pancake.

I didn't want to call my brother, as I knew he was preparing to head to Mom and Dad's for dinner, and I didn't want to ruin my family's Sunday dinner plans. So I called Lesli and said "Hellllp!!!! I need some Fix A Flat!!"

She arrived like 25 minutes later, I hooked the can up to my tire, the tire started filling, and subsequently there was a nice little "hssssssss" noise as the air started to come right back out of my tire. Mind you, this was shortly after some nice man had stopped to see if we needed help and I shooshed him away under the pretense that "I was going to take care of it all by myself, and thank you very much but I don't need your help."

Folks, I'd never changed a tire in my entire life. Neither had Lesli. but by Gawsh we did it last night! It was fabulous! I wasn't even mad that I had YET ANOTHER flat tire, because I was so excited that I had changed it all by myself. LOL!

I have the Power, people. Next on my list....learning how to do an oil change. At the rate I am going, I shall have it mastered by the time I'm 48.

Jage, I stole this quote from your website...

2005-11-04T15:55:00.000-06:00

...but as they say "Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery" or whatever it is.

"This would be the best of all possible worlds if there were no religion in it. The government of the United States is not in any sense founded on the Christian religion."
– John Adams (2nd President of the United States of America)

License Plate Humor

2005-11-04T12:07:00.000-06:00

Recreation of Actual License Plate

Driving to work this morning on Chenal Parkway, I found myself behind a maroon colored Subaru vehicle of some sort (you know, the one that looks like a station wagon, whatever it's called) with this license plate. I kid you not. It's for real. I saw it. With my own two eyes.

The vehicle had stickers on it that said random shit like "I LOVE BRITAIN", blah, blah, blah. So I'm unsure as to whether the TEABAG reference was meant to be to ACTUAL TEA, or TEABAG as in TEABAGGING which you, dear reader, hopefully know about because I'm not going to provide a definition.

I was driving down Chenal, camera phone in hand, attempting to keep both eyes on the road as I took a picture of said TEABAG license plate, but alas, the pictures didn't turn out very well. I hope you enjoy my recreation of the real thing.

This blog is dedicated to C-Love, without whom,

I would probably not know what "Teabagging" is.

What the FUCCCCK?

2005-11-03T10:48:00.000-06:00

At the end of August, I got really sick. I went to the doctor, and he wanted to take X-Rays of my chest to see if i had bronchitis or whatever. The X-Ray tech asked if there was a possibility that I might be pregnant, because if I were, they wouldn't be able to do the X-Ray. Unfortunately, there was a possibility...meaning I had been intimate with a man since my last period, and my period was a few days late. So they did a pregnancy test, which FORTUNATELY came back negative, and they did the X-Ray.

A couple of days ago, I received a bill from my doctor's office for $14. My insurance did not pay for the pregnancy test.

One of my co-workers recently told me that our insurance co-pay for her birth control increased after our company switched insurance companies at the first of August. She now has to pay more than $30 a month for her birth control pill prescription. While that may not seem extreme to some people, for others, it is.

What I want to know is this...in a country that is run by corporate bigwigs who generally side with the Republican/Conservative agenda, which OBVIOUSLY doesn't believe that abortion is an acceptable alternative, why is it considered acceptable to discourage women from using birth control?

Why is the female reproductive system considered unimportant until she becomes pregnant?

We all know that the male reproductive system is so important that insurance will pay for Viagra...WHY NOT BIRTH CONTROL???

I am very annoyed.

Bush Joke of the Week!

2005-10-31T10:59:00.000-06:00

President Bush was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy".

One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy." "No," said Bush, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explained the president. "That's what we would call a great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room a small boy (Lil Johnny) raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "If Air Force One carrying you and Mrs. Bush was struck by a "friendly fire" missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?"

"Well," says Lil Johnny, "It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

Jage - Good Blog!

2005-10-31T10:53:00.000-06:00

Click on the title to read a really good blog from Jage about "Hell Houses".

My mom and I were talking yesterday about these "Hell Houses" and all the different plays and different things that churches have been doing lately in light of the fact that they have suddenly decided that Halloween is evil. Mom said "They just do it to frighten people into going to church".

My mom and I: one in the same...and that is the ONLY time you will ever hear me say THAT! lol!

Halloween

2005-10-31T09:15:00.000-06:00

Yeah, I was still not awake when this pic was taken.

That, and I look fat. Also, I really need to clean up behind my desk.

I love Halloween. I always have. It's the one day of the year that you can act like an idiot, wear whatever you want, and eat loads of chocolate and nobody cares. I dress up pretty much every year. I've been a scarecrow, Marilyn Monroe (which won me $100, bitches) and pretty much everything in between. This year I'm an "Anti-Depressant". I'm wearing blue scrubs with "ZOLOFT" in blue letters down the front and "BUNCHA MG." down the back. My costume requires me to act extremely happy, and I'm not quite awake yet, so the extremely happy part hasn't kicked in. and knowing me, it WON'T, until about 11:00 am or so...

Halloween is also my parents Wedding Anniversary. and before you ask me "Are your parents Vampires or something?" (yes, I have been asked that before) I'm going to tell you their story, the brief version. Mom and Dad met when they were both in the Navy, stationed at Bethesda Naval Hospital. They dated for like a year, and decided to get married. They weren't old enough to get married in Maryland at the time (they were 20), so they had to elope to North Carolina. They had to get "leave" to take the time off to drive to Maryland to get hitched, and the only day that they could both take off was October 31. Mom says neither of them even thought about it being Halloween until they left the JP and saw kids walking down the street in their costumes. Alas, my parents don't have a lot of sense. Explains me, doesn't it? Well, today is their 41st Anniversary, so while they don't have sense, at least they have stick-to-it-iveness and they took their wedding vows seriously, which hopefully, I will someday, too.

Happy Halloween Everyone.

and Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad. Even though you don't read my blog because I would never give you the link because you would be extremely embarrassed at how often I say the "f" word, I love you and want everyone else to know it.

The "Sensitive" Man

2005-10-25T16:26:00.000-05:00

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar.

They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

They get back to his apartment and she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears .... hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side. She turns to him, they kiss, and then they rip each other's clothes off and make hot steamy love.

After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, as they're lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"

The guy says: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

1 of 40,000

2005-10-25T12:37:00.000-05:00

Damn, I wish I had Photoshop. but alas, I had to manually remove

anything in this picture that hinted the name of the company I work for,

so A) you crazy bastards can't stalk me, and B) so I won't get "dooced"!

Saturday morning at 8:00 am, I was one of 40,000 women walking through the streets of Little Rock. As always, the 2005 Race for the Cure was a very moving experience. The women of Arkansas unite to show their support for a common cause - the need to find a cure for breast cancer.

This was my sixth year, and I was the official Team Captain.

Which just means I did all the work, and all I have to show for it is a pink "Team Captain" backpack. Actually, that's not altogether true...I didn't do ALL the work, Holle (our Co-Captain) designed the t-shirts, and she didn't get anything to show for it, well, except for a hard time from me, of course. I made the beautiful signs, whose beauty you are unable to enjoy to their fullest due to my lack of Photoshop. Deal with it.

Seriously, though, the Susan G. Komen Foundation is wonderful. They do some really good work. and the story of how Nancy Brinker started the foundation in memory of her sister, Susan G. Komen, is really very sad, but a testament to the fact that people are capable of doing some really amazing things.

If you've never read the story of Susan G. Komen, click on the title of this blog, and you will be redirected to it.

Happy Tuesday everyone.

The Very Bad Idea...

2005-10-21T11:41:00.000-05:00

The Church-State Divide

2005-10-21T11:36:00.000-05:00

I read this article by Robert McCord last night in The Arkansas Times (Click on the title to read - it's a link, folks!). I thought it was too good to not share. One question, though, for Mr. McCord. Where do I sign up?

Pass the butter, please!

2005-10-21T11:28:00.001-05:00

I got this email from one of my friends today. All I have to say is "Ewwwww!"

Margarine was originally manufactured to fatten turkeys. When it killed the turkeys, the people who had put all the money into the research wanted a payback so they put their heads together to figure out what to do with this product to get their money back. It was a white substance with no food appeal so they added the yellow coloring and sold it to people to use inplace of butter. How do you like it? They have come out with some clever new flavorings.

DO YOU KNOW...the difference between margarine and butter?

Read on to the end...gets very interesting!

Both have the same amount of calories.

Butter is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams compared to 5 grams.

Eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by 53% over eating the same amount of butter, according to a recent Harvard Medical Study.

Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in other foods.

Butter has many nutritional benefits where margarine has a few only because they are added!

Butter tastes much better than margarine and it can enhance the flavors ofother foods.

Butter has been around for centuries where margarine has been around for less than 100 years.

And now, for Margarine..

Very high in trans fatty acids.

Triple risk of coronary heart disease.

Increases total cholesterol and LDL (this is the bad cholesterol) and lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol).

Increases the risk of cancers up to five fold.

Lowers quality of breast milk.

Decreases immune response.

Decreases insulin response.

And here's the most disturbing fact.... HERE IS THE PART THAT IS VERY INTERESTING!

Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC.

This fact alone was enough to have me avoiding margarine for life and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen is added, changing the molecular structure of the substance).

You can try this yourself: Purchase a tub of margarine and leave it in your garage or shaded area.

Within a couple of days you will note a couple of things:
No flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it (that should tell you something);
It does not rot or smell differently because it has no nutritional value;
nothing will grow on it. Even those teeny weeny microorganisms will not a find a home to grow.

Why? Because it is nearly plastic. Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your toast?

Weirdness...

2005-10-20T11:33:00.000-05:00

I was in the breakroom at work a few minutes ago, heating up my Weight Watchers Smart Ones Lasagne Florentine for lunch, when I saw this sitting on the breakroom table. It is a rubber chicken keychain stuck between two hamburger buns and sitting on a paper wrapper.

I'm wondering if this is some new "special" that Burger King or McDonald's has unveiled since I quit eating that unhealthy crap. Is it the ALL NEW "Burger King Rubber Chicken Special"? They obviously have a penchant for the weird (see blog titled "The Burger King is Evil"), so I wouldn't be surprised if they started serving weird "food".

Or could it just be another weird act perpetrated by one of my weird co-workers?

Things that make you go hmmmmmm....

2005-10-18T16:44:00.000-05:00

I just got this email (yet another bit of spam...I get about 50 per day MINIMUM):

Attention Homeowners
Shop rates in marla
Complete a short form
Lenders compete for your business
Select an offer and save money
*No Fees
*No 0bligations
*No Commitments

We will help you find the right lender
regardless of your credit history.

YES..... SHOW ME HOW

What I want to know is....where the hell IS this "marla" place? I want to move there. It's destiny. Fate. Ordained by the Gods. or Godesses. Whichever you prefer.

I'm Concerned About Lesli

2005-10-18T13:08:00.000-05:00

Walking by Lesli's office today, I noticed what looked to be mistletoe hanging in her doorway. Upon closer inspection, I realized that it was an inch-tall green "indian warrior" figurine taped upside down BY THE FEET, no less, to her door frame. I stepped inside to inspect it even more closely, and I noticed that she had another one taped sideways to the inside of her door frame.

I was not aware that Lesli was anti-American Indian. I am absolutely devastated!!! but, that can be the only explanation. Well, either that, or Lesli has completely lost her mind, and corporate America has poisoned her brain and desensitized her, making her believe that the Indians DESERVED to have their land stolen from them, and that they now DESERVE to be hung upside down in doorways with nothing but a bit of Scotch tape.

I suppose there is need for an intervention now, so I can tell her that she must purge herself of her evil beliefs for her own good, but for the good of all mankind. Maybe we shall do so over vodka drinks, with all of the other girls invited, disguising the intervention as "girls night out". Must call Tammy, Courtney, and our other mutual friends that are smart and sassy, and have them assist me in helping her see the error of her ways....

More on this subject later...I am going to free the Indians now. That's what I do.

What Does "Pro-Choice" Mean? A Tutorial.

2005-10-18T12:21:00.000-05:00

"Jane Roe" was single, and she was pregnant. She lived in Texas. Texas law stated that "Jane Roe" could only have an abortion by medical advice for the purpose of saving the life of the mother. The complaint against this particular STATE law stated that it was a violation of the Fourteenth Amendment (amongst others), and thereby, it was a violation of "Jane Roes" RIGHT TO PRIVACY. In 1973, the Supreme Court, in a 7-2 ruling, decided that this particular Texas law was unconstitutional. That's right, folks. UNCONSTITUTIONAL.

The court then set aside STATE abortion laws, permitting abortion in the first THREE months of pregnancy, and setting standards for regulations after that time to safeguard the Woman's health. The Supreme Court ALSO decided that the word "person" in the Constitution of the United States does NOT apply to the unborn. The Court ruled that the state cannot restrict a woman's right to an abortion during the first trimester, the state can regulate the abortion procedure during the second trimester "in ways that are reasonably related to maternal health," and in the third trimester, demarcating the viability of the fetus, a state can choose to restrict or even to proscribe abortion as it sees fit.

What is so difficult to understand?

Jane had a right to her privacy, as do we ALL. We also have the right to free speech. Pro-lifers have the right AS AMERICAN CITIZENS to express their opinions about abortion. However, they do not have the right to do so when the end result is SOMEONE ELSE'S rights being VIOLATED. In other words, MY body is MY temple. The only person that has a right to make choices that affect my temple, is ME.

When pro-lifers start spewing their hate and referring to "pro-choice" people as "pro-death", they are only showing their ignorance. They know not of what they speak. They act as if we sit around, chomping at the bit, drooling at the prospect of yet another abortion being performed. Come on!!!!!! That way of thinking is extremely dangerous. and again, it's ignorant. Anyone that sits at home and dwells upon such subjects is, to put it politely, most likely a sociopath (and most definitely a facist). Said sociopaths are the sort of people that bomb abortion clinics and kill people in order to "get their point across" that abortion is murder. Well, you know what, that's what I call being a hypocritical asshole.

I am not "pro-death". I am "pro-choice". I am "pro-women deciding what is the best thing for THEM to do". I also mind my own fucking business. Maybe the "pro-lifers" should learn to do that as well.

and just remember what I said...7-2 folks...7-2. and this was in 1973!!!! Before I was even BORN!!!!! If the Supreme Court were to EVER reverse Roe V. Wade, then the Supreme Court would, in essence, be saying that your Rights to Privacy are unimportant. and chaos would likely ensue. Chaos. Mark my words.